Friday, January 30, 2009

Looking Forward to What Lies Ahead

Salut! Mon amies.

Comment ça va? Je suis très bien. Aujourdhui c’est vendredi! C’est super vendredi! Je suis travaillez le week-end. (How’s it going? I am very well. Today is Friday! Its cool Friday! I am working on the weekend.)

Je pense que le français est un peu facile tous les jours. Je suis préparez l’examen pour le prochain cours. J’ écoutez le CD en français. (I think that French is a little eas(ier) every day. I prepare for the exam for the next class. I listen the CD in French.)

J’ apprenez culturelle, conversation, les jours de la semaine, comptez de zéro à trente, un autoportrait, heure, accent, l’alphabet, et expressions. J’écrivez facile mais je parle difficile. (I learn culture, conversations, the days of the week, count from 0 to 30, self portrait, time, accent, the alphabet, and expressions. I write easy but I speak difficult.)

*Sigh* Believe me when I tell you that this is more difficult to write than it is for you to read the madness. And I'm sure it's pretty horrible having to read this. Thanks for sticking it out for me; I appreciate it.

I've had a tough week with things. After some serious soul-searching, I realized that something had to give. Well, I sent out my last finished short story last night. Luckily I sent out three finished pieces this month. It really was a great month. I also sent out a submission the last week in December. So I started out 2009 with a bang. But it seems that this may be the last submission I have ready for a while.

Those who know and love me know that I continuously add more and more to my plate, figuring I'll either sink or swim and usually I manage to swim. But things are different this semester. I'm actually studying as students really should for the first time in my life, and I just can't swim anymore. I find myself in a position where there are few things that I can let go of. The only thing I was able to find to ease the pressure was to limit the amount of time I spend reading and answering emails (I must spend 2 or more hours a day answering emails) and writing.

Writing is in my soul. I don't know if I could stop if I wanted to. But I am able to slow down on the deadlines that I setup for myself and lower my own standards. I mean, who am I going to disappoint anyway. I will still write down my ideas and musings when time permits and the feeling moves me. But I won't be rewriting, revising, critiquing, submitting, etc. So free writing is okay but writing for others' enjoyment (Ha!) will just have to wait until this summer.

I'm really enjoying my French class, which may not be obvious since I'm complaining all of the time. It's exciting learning something new. I thrive on things that are difficult for me. I don't know if I like setting myself up for disappointment or if I just like surpassing my own expectations. My friends and family are so supportive. Encouragement, help, assistance is always flowing my way. I don't know what I did to be so lucky, but I'm grateful for you guys everyday.

In 2008 I took a chance in a part of my life that I gave up on a long time ago. And though it did not work out, in any sense of the word, the point is that I took a chance. After all of these years (yeah who's counting), I finally felt strong enough to put myself out there. As much as there was pain, it felt so good to feel again.

So I made a decision at the beginning of this month, to continue taking chances, to ignore the fear and focus on the possibilities. For once, I feel strong and capable and worthy of being the person that I know I can be. I'm looking forward to this journey and to what the new year will bring. I am secure and okay with the decisions that I have made. I chose this life, and I continue to choose it, each and every day.

Drink: Coke Zero
Quotes: "If at first you don't succeed try harder" and "If you do succeed, try something harder"
Music: Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You
Dreaming of: Triple Choco Chip Cookie from Starbucks and Hot chocolate.

Question of the Day: If you could accomplish anything in 2009, whether it seems possible or impossible, what would it be?

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