Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Life is a beautiful thing. I recently bought my first "new" computer in 10 years. And in the process of getting everything over to the new computer, I'm messing up some things, big time.

In my current work in progress, I somehow lost 2000 words. No biggie. 2ooo words. On crap! This was THE scene where my character really showed herself. She stood up to others. She was fearless. And there was a fight scene and gunfire. Darn, it was alright for a first draft when I struggle with fight scenes and such. Hopefully I can recreate it later. (sigh!)

Oh well. Moving on. On the work front - tomorrow brings the start of a new month. And E-Care (the name of my department/team) welcomes back a previous leader - whom we missed dearly...who lead us while we were unbeatable. E-Care will find its way back on track now - happy employees mean productive employees!

With the new month, I'm vowing to make a difference in other aspects of my life. I'm a waiter. I see/find something I want and I wait. The moment will come when it will all fall into place. While I lack patience, I also have patience to spare - I'm a walking contradiction. So the point: I have been patiently (ok also impatiently) sitting on the sidelines...waiting...for a spark to form...for the fire to catch...but to no avail. After month's of deluding myself with hope and possibilities with my most recent crush, reality is setting in. And I'm not waiting anymore.

2007 changed my life and woke me up. 2008 has proven to be so much better. And 2009 will bring even better things. But I have 3 more months to go. 2008 is not over yet. And I'm not sitting on the sidelines anymore.

So with the start of October, 2008, I vow to take a more active part in my own life. I vow to make myself more available to opportunity. I vow to be more diligent in my writing. I vow to take a more positive attitude towards the career that I have chosen. I vow to live!!!

So heres to October. I can't wait to see what happens this month.

Sunday, September 28, 2008


Its funny how sometimes nothing ever seems to go right in your life, you never have two things that match, and you're always pulling the short straw.

And then the universe seems to re-align and everything in your life just falls into place.

For me, in my life, its usually the first. Yet for the first time in forever, it seems like the second may have happened.

I've been contemplating setting up a blog for the past 2 years, but since I never seem to have enough time on my hands, I kept putting it off. A good friend said 'just do it.' So I took the plunge and have been playing around with this thing ever since. (I still have no idea what I'm doing so bare with me.)

I was down in the dumps. Work sucks. School sucks. (You get the picture). So I decided I needed some serious 'pamper me' time.

I headed to the mall, did a bit of shopping, got a pedicure, cut my hair (its funny how they always make it look so good - and you leave there smiling and feeling like a million bucks, knowing its never gonna look that good again lol).

So the next day, I decided to call an emergency "fake it til you make it" day; this is when you go all out with your friends, dressed to kill, makeup and hairspray to the nines. A pick-me-up guaranteed to make you feel better. It works like a charm!

I laughed, for real, at work for the first time in a long time. A friend took some pics. The complements were flowing. It was a good day on a personal level.

The next day I'm heading to work and nearly wrecked when I got an email (note to self: stop playing on your phone while driving). My short fiction titled "Heading Home" was accepted for the December, 2008 online journal for The Shine Journal at http://www.theshinejournal.com/ .

And the email said, 'send us a pic and let us know your website or blog, and we'll add it in'.

Well, isn't that something. I already have the new blog and a new pic right here.

Life is good!

I need to try to hold onto the good parts more instead of dwelling on rest.

Friday, September 26, 2008


Though it may not appear that way, I tend to be a perfectionist, mostly when it comes to my work, writing, etc. I take pride in a job well done. I don't look for the quickest answer; I look for the right one. I don't push jobs onto others, when I can do it myself. I believe in quality rather than quantity.

Others do not share my views/work ethic, and that's just fine. To each his/her own.

I've waited so long to start a blog because I wonder: What do I have to say? And who wants to read it anyway? People have been telling me for years to get one started. But I sometimes don't have time to write. So how can I take the time to blog.

And after thinking this over, and over, and over in that way that I over-analyze everything to death, I've decided that I guess all I have to do is talk about whatever crazy notions/experiences/theories/etc I want to, in the perspective of a young, single woman pursuing a degree, chasing her dreams, creating her art, while working two jobs, wondering if her soul mate is: dead, in prison, a shooting star.

Some wonder how I manage to keep it together.

And I really don't. I put off for tomorrow whatever I can and wish for the best. Luckily for me it usually works out.

So I'll just rant and rave until I have something more professional to write about I guess...

8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 80 hours a paycheck.

This is what I signed up for. Decent pay for someone without a degree, willing to work, in exchange for great benefits and "a chance for advancement."

What did I get?

Great benefits that decrease each year. Mandatory overtime required for over a month as a result of poor decisions made by the powers the be. Inflexibility of "the rules." No consideration toward the lives being disrupted by these insensitive decisions. No hero to 'fight the good fight' for the little people. Decreased health conditions. The tendency to overeat when emotionally drained/charged/depressed/etc. (well ok I always had this one but its been magnified). The gnawing ache of a black hole threatening to engulf me upon awakening each morning until I fly out of the doors towards my car at the end of the day. My once (slightly damaged) but beautifully formed soul blackens and dies a little more each day.

Yeah so I became a college drop years ago. Bills and responsibility sucked me into a "good" job. And like in the mob, I may never get out.

Yet fear holds me back. What if there is nothing else out there? Only a different shade of this same hell? What if no other company wants me?

What do I do?


I suck it up. And vow to do it again tomorrow.

And I just pray that one day (soon) I'll get brave.


Gemini Horoscope for September 26, 2008
You can walk away from something and even if you have to sacrifice money in the process you'll maintain your self respect. This will reduce your stress levels considerably.


Thursday, September 25, 2008


(A good friend of mine challenged me to start a blog. I never was good at ignoring a challenge; so here it is. I'm learning about the whole blogspot-concept so bare with me. )

I had the day off today, which is a seldom occurrence in my life. While eating lunch at my favorite Sushi place, my companion told me, "You need to get goals." I may have choked on my ginger, but after I finished my glass of ice tea, I recapped my goals and explained how I am working towards those goals.

Every day I work at two jobs. I am saving money for grad school. I have a trip planned for April, 2009, with my sister and niece to Pennsylvania, Virginia, etc. I attend the local university, taking two classes a semester. And I write every chance that I get, which isn't as often as I would like. Every day I work towards those goals. In the meantime, bills have to be paid, and I want to finish college.

So thats what I do. The sum of my life is work and dreams and trying to fit 26 hours in a day.