Sunday, November 29, 2009

Looking to the Future with...Hope!

Looking to the future, I am filled with wonder at all of the possibilities before me. I look forward to the end of my school days for a (brief hopefully) period. I need to step back. I need to break away from the grueling schooling for now. Get back to taking care of myself, my house, my life, creating, and see what happens. I will be back one day...hopefully one day soon.

I constantly feel the need to learn and figure things out, so I know that the scholarly life is probably for me. But my problem is that I want to learn the things I am interested in, so the regimented curriculum of schools goes against me and makes the learning process unbearable.

I have plans for my schooling, but I will put those aside and worry about them at a later date. As soon as I know where I'm going with it...I'll let you know!

I can't wait to get back to my writing. I dreamed about my character last night, Nalia. Weird, I know. But she lives inside of me, sighing and gut punching me ever-so-often to make sure I'm aware of her, to make sure I'm grateful for her patience, and to make sure I know how pissed she is that I've neglected her so this past year. I can't wait to hear her story and see how this chapter ends. I'll get to you soon, Nalia. Just give me more time!!

My art has taken me places that I never dreamed. I don't have any ingrained talent. Rather its pure pigheaded-ness and practice. I love it. It's my therapy and each of my pics teaches me something about myself and my life, that I may not have realized this early had it not been created. My ultimate goal is to be able to bring characters and scenes to life to aide me in the writing process. It will all be worth it once I reach that end result.

Health wise, I am reminded every day that I am not as young as I used to be. My body doesn't bounce back well. I feel every ache and pain and change in the weather. I'm only 3o for crying out loud! But that too will be where it needs to be.

This was a great Thanksgiving Day. I spent time with my immediate family and my only "true" remaining aunt and uncle on my dad's side. We gathered at moma's for her wonderful gumbo and potato salad and bread. Stacey and the kids brought turtle pie for desert. It was a great day indeed. Then I went home around 4pm for some studio time. Life is oh so good!

I think often of what might have been...but then I live the life I have made for myself and realize that there is no place else I'd rather be then here...for now!

Mood: hopeful
Drink: water from my new stainless steel water bottle (will have to google the difference between a stainless steel and aluminum water bottle - my old ones are siggs.)
Food: wishing I had some
Music: Christmas tunes playing on the Christmas movie playing in the background
Currently: I'm trying to get around to studying for my last (hopefully ever) French test!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

If I could capture these feelings...

I wish I could describe the feelings inside of me when I finish a piece of artwork or story. Even as a writer the words elude me. Happiness seems like such a dull and insufficient word to use, but maybe it is happiness. If so this is a feeling I'm not used to.

My heart aches in so many ways, but if I can fit a few minutes into my day to create something, a poem, a story, a fix for one of the many holes in my novel, or drawing/painting something, then I'm good.

I stepped away from writing while in school, because its so much easier to finish a piece of artwork then to get into my characters heads, worry about and weave the storyline, etc. I've been spending time in my messy studio since July of this year. The business side of art is very much like the business side of writing. There is so much behind the scenes of writing/creating.

I'm working on my artist portfolio; it just needs a few finishing touches and then I can print up my pictures. I need a professional picture, yet I'm always tired, working, looking sloppy. I will definitely have to get on the ball with this one, since it's such an easy fix.

I started my online art gallery at , and I sold my first piece of artwork. (To a close friend who loves me and would put up any crap that I create out of that love alone - I heart you, Nona!) But I'm forever hopeful that others will fall in love with my art pieces the way that I have and hope to have them in their home, daughter's bedroom, nursery, etc.

My style in art, like in writing, falls toward mythology, fairies, princesses, etc. But I'm always learning and trying new things. I have arty parties with my friends, where we hang out for a few hours of good music, painting, and creating. I'm happy that my love for creating has spread, to Oklahoma where Nona has an art journal she keeps, and in my hometown, where my friends have become reacquainted with their love of painting through my obsession with my own creative inklings.

Everything is a circle. Everything is connected. People, places, and things come into our lives for: a reason, a season, and a lifetime. The beauty is in the experiencing and finding out where each experience falls.

Two weeks until finals. I'm so ready for the semester and holidays to be over so that I can get back to living a somewhat normal (for me) life. I am looking into changing my major to general studies. I need to graduate, to complete the goal that I set for myself when I was a kid. I want to be the first in my family to graduate from college and at this rate, my 14 yr old niece may beat me to it. lol. The classes in the English curriculum are not geared toward making me a better writer, which was my purpose all along. So its time to re-evaluate and see what needs to be done. I can always go back to take the few classes that I feel will help my writing. So I'll probably be taking some time off of school, to get back on my feet after leaving AT&T and to really get into my art.

Every day is a blessing, and I'm thankful for all that I have and all that I am. But today...I'm happy beyond measure. They don't call it "paint therapy" for nothing!