Thursday, November 20, 2008

Every Day is a Blessing!

Sometimes, I hate being such a pessimist. Things are going so well in my life, and I keep looking around for the other shoe to drop. Of all the things I could change about myself that would be the first one. How did I ever get this way? But the believers of The Secret say that such thoughts welcome negativity into your life, so moving on.

The Good News:

I did the impossible and passed that History test with flying colors (yep I set the curve) - Go Me! It seems the answers I got wrong were only worth 1 point. The big points were in the short answers, identification, and essay - and guess what - I'm a writer so I rocked that test! WooHoo! So my History class is officially over. I don't have to take the final - YES!

In English I only have one more assignment, which my professor will give out on Monday - a take home test - dealing with Walt Whitman and Emily Dickinson - good times. I'll have to struggle with that during Thanksgiving week. But the semester is definitely winding to a close.

My first story will be published online IN 10 DAYS, YIKES. I'm experiencing mixed emotions of super excitement followed by the need to vomit in fear. And this is only for less than 800 measly words - jeez.

We bid for vacations last week at work - it goes by seniority, and I received the three weeks that I bid for: Easter - Washington trip with my girls!, My Birthday Week - hmmm maybe a cruise like in 2007, and Christmas - I'm really hoping there's a good reason to take Christmas off! (Even though Shawn cursed me out because I got it - sorry, love, I know you wanted it, but ITS MINE! lol)

Celebrated the great day with supper at my favorite sushi restaurant - SHANGRI LA - I love how the waiters just bring me my drink without having to ask what I want. Kind of sad really. But anyway I NANOWRIMOed over complimentary edamame while I people-watched. Life is Good!

Speaking of NaNoWriMo, I'm at 27,334 words which is way behind schedule. I only have 10 more days to meet deadline, but the story is coming along. My plot has progressed from where I started in November and it seems to be headed toward an ending. Hopefully, I finish this one.

Some days, I feel like a wannabe talking about writing novels and never actually finishing anything. It's not my fault. I sleepwalked through life for about 5 years, and I'm finally awake and living. So I have to play catch up with the dreams, new and old, that I ignored for so long. Part of the problem is being a Gemini and part of it is just being semi-ADHD. I can't sit still. I'm afraid if I stop for a minute, I'll fall asleep again.

Those who have known me for a few years know what I'm talking about. The person I was even 3 years ago is not anywhere near the person I am today. I was absent from life, just getting by. In 2007 I woke up and I changed my life and now it just spirals, and I have to follow where it leads because there's no going back.
Yet that drive, that fear of being back in that place where I started pushes me away from people and pushes them away from me. It makes me a bit intense, a bit single-minded, selfish; I'm well aware of my own faults thanks. but I guess sometimes we need to be made aware of them. We need to see ourselves as others see us, like a glaring mirror in the harsh early morning light.

Sometimes, I'm so focused on the "prize," I miss out on the obvious, like those people standing beside me along the way. I forget to ask, "how are you, do you need anything, whats going on in your life?" It's not that I don't care. I'm making excuses, but I just figure that since I say what I have to say when I feel I need to say it, you will, too. But that's me and you're you and you don't. And I'm sorry. I'm aware now, and I'll work on it. (That's the best I can do).

I guess the point of all this is that it's going to be okay. No matter what happens, even if or when the other shoe falls, you'll deal with it, however you need to and you'll get up even when you want to crawl under the covers and hide, and you'll keep on going. And it doesn't help to look for the bad when there is something good staring you in the face.

During the month of November there is so much to be Thankful for. Every day is a blessing to me, and I hope it is to you, as well!

Mood: Melancholy
Drink: Pibb Zero
Tunes: Sade - Lover's Rock
Question on My Mind: Is it possible to be alone but never lonely? - (English professor asked us in class on Monday)
Lesson Learned: Do not let the errors of the past guide your future.

Strive To: Let hope in. Dream of the possibilities. Do not be afraid to close your eyes, and leap - You haven't sent anything out since August so submit something already!!!


Angie Kay Dilmore said...

Of course you can be alone and not be lonely. I love solitude. It's the only way I can work. I've always said I'm my own best friend. And yes, thank goodness, we change and grow. I wouldn't want to live through my 20s again for anything. 30s was way better and 40s have been the best yet!

Winona said...

Oh, Mindy, I can attest that life does go on. It even gets better, but those dark days and years will always tend to haunt. Just push them away.

I agree with Angie about being alone without being lonely. It's quite possible, especially when I am surrounded by books.

You are on your way to fulfilling dreams and seeing nothing but good. Don't fear the future. Just live it day by day.

Mindy Blanchard said...

Angie and Nona,

Thanks for your support and friendship. You ladies are amazing!

I may be weird but sometimes I miss my own company. I love solitude, maybe too much. Sometimes I barely notice I haven't left my house for days and haven't spoken to anyone either.

I've made a home and a life that other people may not fit into. But who knows where the journey will take you.

This was a tough year, and I'm really looking forward to 2009! And sometimes I have to remind myself that there are other people on this journey - not just me.


Anonymous said...

def. alone=Being apart from others; solitary/Being without equal; unique.
(Which you are)

lonely=Without companions (which you have)/ Unfrequented by people; desolate (which your not)

As for the rest of it, things seem to be rockin in your world; workin, educatin, dreamin, doin. C'est la vie.
Most times, the road to where your going is greater than the destination, don't forget to enjoy the trip.

Mindy Blanchard said...

RR - thanks, webster, I appreciate you! There's going to be a trip? lol

I think I'm starting to get "unique" like MD's character!!! ya know what I mean???