The Turning Tides

It seems I only post when I have some bad news to share. Or maybe its just that there is only bad news going on in my life. Anyways, this was a rough week. I found out that I will be losing hours at both jobs. 15 hrs from my main job and still not sure about the second one.

I've been searching everywhere looking for the next career path for me, and I just haven't found anything. Its hard to find a career path in life when all you know for sure is that you want to eventually be able to write and create art full time. Distant dreams that require more work on my part if I ever hope to fulfill them.

Going to college is a constant goal of mine because I have a constant need to learn new things. Being a college graduate is a goal that I set for myself a long time ago. I wanted to be the first in my family to graduate and that alone is the only reason that motivates me to finish my degree. I am 6 classes away. So close and yet so far. I will graduate one day; in what, it doesn't really matter. But one day I will be able to say, "I started, I stopped, I tried again and again, and I did it. I graduated!"

But regardless, the fact is that my college choices do not affect me in terms of setting the path to lead to my "dream job." I can be a writer and an artist without ever receiving the slip of paper that says I stuck it out, against all odds and without any financial aid. But I want to be a writer and an artist that completed a goal of graduating from college that she set for herself so long ago. But for now this dream is on the back burner as I struggle to find a place for myself in the working world.

Reviewing past choices, I realize that I may have been hasty in my past decisions. But either way, whats done is done and this is the path before me. Sink or swim time.

I had an appointment with a business this week regarding possibly exhibiting my artwork. After being stood up, I had a momentary period of bitterness and depression. But this is only a minor dip...I will find a home for my art soon.

I visited with my critique group for the first time in eons. It felt wonderful. I missed those guys and gal so much. Their input really makes in difference in my writing. We are two short from where we started, and I miss those guys a bunch and pray that life will somehow bring them back to us. But as with all other aspects of life, what will be will be.

I feel that the new amount of "free" time I now find myself with will aid me in my goals. I have a career plan but now I need to work on my writing portfolio. It's time to get things in order. I have a few short stories percolating and a few submissions to send off. It feels so good to be back to my writing. I'm taking an online course on drawing and I love how casual it is. I put creating art to the side while I work on getting my house and art studio back in working order.

Artwise, I'm working on a project called Paint and Pass with 4 fellow artists and friends. I finished my portion of the piece and sent it to the next person on the list. I can't wait to see the finished product which will look great on my wall!

I can now find a balance between my health, home, and career goals, thanks to this new found free time. I can have time to truly work out, work on the relationships that I've neglected this past year with the ups and downs in my life, and sit butt to chair and write, draw, paint, create.

February is a busy month for me. I have so many deadlines for the end of the month, and I'm not quite sure if I will meet them. I mailed off one set of ATCs but I have 3 more sets due by the end of the month. I have a week to go and I better get a move on it.

There is a perfect short story competition that is unfortunately too close to meet, but the theme is one that I'll add to my to do list as its one that I know is a story for me.

My goals are to finish things. Start smaller instead of bigger. Get one level done and accomplished and then move on, "inch by inch, page by page" is my new philosophy.

Good times are up ahead. I put my faith where it belongs and know that I will be taken care of. All I can do is the best that I can do and know that the rest will come.

So I'm off to do a bit of writing before work. The tide is about to change for sure. I can feel it! Happy creating!

Career Planning

I awoke fresh and ready for life after watching a great movie, Leap Year, and getting a good nights sleep. Now I believe I will dust off my superpowers and take over the writing world...well maybe not so much...but I am ready to kick my writing life back into gear.

I've learned many things over the past year. Most of all I've learned that I cannot suppress who I am and what I want most in life. It always has a way of seeping out of the cracks and crevices and finding itself smack dab in my face, each and every time.

So I need to find balance - a way to feed my need to continuously learn new things, my art, and my writing. I can now look at my current hiatus away from the university classroom as a time for me to figure out how to find a balance between all that I want without fear of any other responsibilities aka procrastinations "getting in my way."

I spent yesterday in the presence of Writers Guild of Acadiana members, friends, and Cherry Adair. That woman is amazing. She bounced all kinds of knowledge and tips around us in a blazing orange ball that is her astounding energy...where does she store it, I wonder?

So now I sit and stew and plan...on making and finishing a career plan....and getting back to my first love, writing. I started writing my novel, Wolf Moon, in March, 2008. I fiddled a bit on it until NANOWRIMO 2008. Now I am the "proud" owner of 90k words of a story where I'm chasing my tail with nowhere to go. But I'm not putting it down even though it should be considered 'dead' and be buried.

I will poke and prod that thing into making a plan, outline, beginning/middle/end, etc...I will get this done. I'm giving myself one more year to finish her up...or I'm sending her to the trash pile. So what's it to be? I guess I need to start planning and writing.

I dusted off my wonderful binder filled with character sketches and pics and bios. I located all of my files under the drab that is my scary documents folder on my computer...and I'm sitting butt to chair and I'm going to figure it out.

Yes, I still need to clean my house which is falling down around me since I finished my last semester and went traipsing around Europe, and I still have bills to pay so I'm working 90 hrs a week, and I still need to get my butt into shape and start working out more and eating healthier as I cannot afford to eat out every day anymore.

But despite all of these needs, which are probably not going to change - any time soon - I need to live a creative life. I figure if I can work on my art pieces during my lunch hour each day at work, then I can be free to write and exercise, if I can walk after that shift of work, at night.

Totally doable and I cannot figure out why I was so dense I didn't see it before.

So thank you, Cherry, for lighting an orange energy bubble under my ass and inspiring me to sit butt to chair and get it done. 365 days. That's all I get. Starting NOW!

Pray for me (and that Wolf Moon makes it out of this goal alive!)

***For some reason, I've pondered this the whole day and the thought of continuing with this story gives me the hives...but starting from scratch, I don't know if I can do that...what to do what to do...I guess my first decision will have to be whether to give this story a chance or put it away to let something new come out! I just don't know what to do with myself.

A Constant Pondering:

What the heck am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?!?

I just returned from a 2 week trip to Europe - my first. It was wonderful. Paris was cold and dreary but beautiful and inspiring. The food - not so great. The start of the trip was filled with jet lag and sleep/body changes associated with waking up in one time zone and flying around the world to another.

We finally got everything in sync...and it was time to travel to Spain. The train ride - long train ride - from Paris, France to Barcelona, Spain was interesting. The countryside took my breath away, inspiration flying out of my pores. I couldn't seem to absorb it fast enough. We rode first class all the way to the border - quite an experience. Then the second part of the trip, we rode in, what must have been, the first train ever made. It was long and slow and bumpy. I watched a couple next to me make a love connection. People-watching at its best!

We flew from Barcelona to Malaga, Spain, to what will be one of my new favorite cities to visit. I climbed a freakin' mountain, thought I would die from doing it, but hey, I made it - however slowly! We walked all around the beautiful city from beach to border. Enjoyed every minute of it. I loved the cafes, wines, pastries, tapas, shopping, sites.

And still it's so good to be back home...in this freakin' cold weather! It was wonderful weather in Spain and freezing temps back home...so weird. I have so much hope for 2010. But I'm right back to the question that has been on my mind constantly for the past few days, weeks, months, years...what the heck am I going to do with my life???

I'm 30, single, nothing to hold me back..so what is?!

I have no idea...but I do have a new "5 year plan"! So exciting and the details are all my own - a secret! I'm looking forward to normal temps in my old house so that I can start cleaning and reorganizing my life. Once my studio is back on track (I was so productive the last few months of 2009 - my studio is a nightmare!!!), I'm planning on taking an online art class.

I've never taken an online art workshop. I did purchase the DVDs from two workshops of a favorite artist of mine, Tamara Laporte. She taught me so much in her dvds, but I want to branch out, learn from others. I fought with my decision, who to go with: Tam, Julie Pritchard, SuziBlu, etc...nothing quite matching what I envisioned.

So I struggled with determining which online art class / workshop I would join. After 2 days of research I was right where I started...dreading the "only other option." But I refused to give up and dug deeper. And sure enough...I found a winner: Monica Zuniga from www.handsandheart.ning.com . Her work is fantastic and makes me want to fight the freezing temps in my old, uninsulated house to get that studio in order...stat!! I look forward to the learning ahead of me.

Now that I am not formally going to university, I can get back to other things...writing, exercise, cooking, art...okay okay so I never really "got" into cooking in the first place...or exercise for that matter...but there is no time like now to start. I'm searching for better job offers and hoping for the best to come in 2010. I look forward to the changes that this year will bring, especially since I'll be stuck at home since I spent so much money on my vacation!

I can't wait to get back to my writing. As far as I can see, I'm thinking the beginning of the year will be for taxes, writing and art classes...and the second half - who knows. None of my plans ever happen so I won't bother past these hopes and dreams.

What are you waiting for? What do you plan for 2010?

Looking Back and Looking Forward

I received another rejection email, which is amusing only because I haven't sent anything out in a while, so how about that long reply time. I finished French this semester with a B. I'm usually an overachiever when it comes to my classes so normally anything less than an A would be heartbreaking, but I'm not feeling French and school much lately so I deserved the B and will be glad it isn't worse.

I am planning on taking a bit of time off from school. I'm hoping it will only be one semester and that I will be back to the grind come the Fall, but at this point I will just see how it goes. It's not in my nature to stop learning, so I'll take online art classes with some of my favorite artists for the next couple months. I'm looking forward to classes that are available when you have time rather than during specified times, and I really want to take some real art lessons.

I'm trying to get my house in order. It is a mess after this rough semester I've had. I'm packing and getting things ready for my upcoming trip - my first time to Europe. I will be spending 10 days with my friends in Paris and parts of Spain. I'm looking forward to getting away and seeing the sights and being inspired by everything that is waiting for me abroad.

Looking back, I realize that with all the ups and downs of 2009, it was a great great great year for travel. I've been to New Orleans, Shreveport, Pennsylvania, Washington, Virginia, Oklahoma, and now visiting Europe. That's not bad for a year-in-review.

2009 was a blessing. I have so much to be thankful for, yet I tend to dwell on the negatives. I finally made the decision to quit a job that had been holding me back. While I do not regret the decision, I think I could have been smarter, saved more money or changed jobs in 2008! But it is what it is, and I experienced a period of 28 days without employment barely scraping by. Yet the blessing in those days was a clean house, time to exercise, and wonderful time in my art studio.

I completed about 42 pieces of art, sold one, and received requests for two commissions. I started my first online art gallery at http://www.artwriter.artfire.com/ . I completed an artist portfolio, but have yet to show it to the two establishments that I made it for. That's on the list of things to tackle in early January 2010.

I'm working at a job that is more physical, which has its perks, like a killer employee discount on craft and art supplies, that I am using to my advantage, but I'm back in the grind, working a lot so I've stepped back on eating healthy and working out. Two other repeat resolutions for 2010.

A miracle came my way when I was at rock bottom about to make a decision to cash in my pension. This miracle brings with it heartache and pain, but will be what I need to get back on my feet. There is a price for everything it seems. Of all I've learned in my young life it has been that.

Anything I lack in life I make up for in quality of friends and family. I am blessed in so many ways. I get support from those I love, I have a house and studio that I enjoy immensely. I get to create stories and art which heals me bit by bit.

I am not the girl I once was, and I never will be. I am who I am. With the Good and Bad. With the Strong and Weak. The days of me trying to change to please others is so over. I'm stronger than ever and I know that I'm only given the trials that He knows I can overcome. So I will.

This is what I strive for in 2010 and will be my only resolutions. I feel the sentence covers just about everything: I want to be a healthy and happy Me, full of love and creativity, and hopefully finding more success in selling my stories and art!