Lessons Learned

Bonjour, mon amis. Je suis fatigue. Je pense que le francais est tres difficile. Je vais le examens lundi.

Basically, I just wanted to check in, say hello, and let you know that I am tired; I think that French is very difficult, and I have an exam Monday.

Procrastinator that I am instead of studying for French I'll write a bit of French in my blog and that counts as studying, right. lol I'm learning a lot. I can introduce myself to others, go through my family tree (okay not that much), explain my oh-so-crazy schedule, tell you all about my university and campus, tell time, and almost make complete sentences. I can conjugate about 3 verbs. I'm really going to take the French world by storm. OK, maybe not. I can write it better than I can speak it. I was always good at remembering odd spellings (that helps) but my prof cringes every time I open my mouth to speak - Men! lol

I'll get back to studying in a bit, but I have to share the happenings of my so-called life. Since the accident in February I was forced to miss a meeting and due to conferences I'll be missing the next two meetings of my Lake Charles Bayou Writer's Group; I miss my friends so much. I can't wait to hear what's going on in your lives, writing or otherwise. I want hugs from everyone as soon as we meetup in May.

I took off of work Friday and drove to Shreveport, Louisiana with my mom and sister. A little vacay was in order for all of us. We shopped and ate sushi at this wonderful restaurant on the Boardwalk. I only experienced road rage once, so I guess that was good. We made it safe and sound.

Here's my sis, Stacey, and me:


We checked into the hotel and then Stacey and Moma left for some more sightseeing and shopping. I attended 2 fabulous early bird workshops about avoiding plagiarism and creating the page turner. There was a meet and greet with great food, and I drank the best glasses of Pinot Grigio I've had in forever, (oh wait it's been forever since I had a chance to drink).

I met up with a few old friends and met some new ones. I retired early to pound away at the keyboard having found some inspiration and a fix for one of my current probs with my current WIP. Here's me and the Vice President of BWG, Jan Rider Newman:

I met Jamie Colette at the 2008 Conference. It's great to meet up with an old friend:

Conferences are a great way to meet other writers. Here's a new friend, Betsy St. Amant:

The next day the workshops were fantastic; I learned so much and hardly know where to start. If I start naming names, I know I'll miss out on some of the major influences of the weekend and I should apologize for that up front. But thanks to the wonderful workshops of: Jennifer Blake, Karen King, Elle James, Delilah Devlin, Ramona Richards, Terry Spear, and Jade Lee I am so much smarter than I was 72 hours ago, and I am ready to tackle the rest of my current WIP.

I'm ready to take the rest of the journey with Nalia and her Merry Men to find the end of this book. The initial idea came to me exactly a year ago. In March of 2008 Nalia first stepped out of my mind and into my idea book. I didn't start writing the story itself until June of 2008. And while I have not been writing for all of these months since then, as I do have two jobs and attend night classes at UL, it is time to get to the bottom of the story. I had realized this going into the weekend but some happenings during the conference pissed me off enough to get the ball rolling for sure. I so do love a challenge.

As many of you know, I love everything about the learning process. I'm obsessed with knowledge and learning new things. What can one expect from the girl who taught herself how to read crochet patterns and then made up her own? But I digress.

I attend many conferences whenever I have the time, opportunity, and money even though I'm fully aware that I am losing out on opportunities to speak with editors and agents about my work, since I don't actually have a finished product. And while some feel quite comfortable speaking out when they don't have a finished product, my situation leaves me in a corner where I don't feel comfortable trying to sell something that I do not have and which I cannot guarantee would be reader-ready within a few months time.

But do I let this stop me? Heck no, I go to conferences and I learn and I get better and I network. Guess what? I'm okay with that. It works for me, and I'm fully aware that what works for one does not work for everyone.

During the course of the conference, I was asked numerous times whether I pitched to anyone. The answer was of course, "no." Most people just looked at me with pity in their eyes and nodded their head in encouragement as I spilled all the "excuses" why I don't have a finished product. Yeah, yeah so we all have excuses.

One remarkable woman actually compared going to conferences without a finished product to something like, saying I can be a race car driver just because I like watching Nascar. There are moments when I have no class. I curse like a sailor at the most inopportune times, and I tend to have a short fuse, but I have my moments. In the face of this criticism, all I did was smile and nod. I'm proud of myself for having class in that moment because the scenarios running through my head at the time were bad. In all walks of life there are those that can only feel better about themselves by putting others down. They just can't seem to help themselves.

While we all know that: Everyone has ideas. Everyone has the ability to write. Everyone usually thinks they have at least 1 good book in them. In this business, not everyone who aspires to write a book actually sees that goal come to fruition. We hear it a thousand times during our lives. But what I wonder is this, have you ever heard of tact? Find a better way of talking to other people.

I may not have finished a book yet. I may have had many ideas and actually gotten bored with some before completing them. I may have used all of the excuses in the book for my inability to finish a story. But newsflash: that doesn't make me any less of a writer.

Yes I attend workshops, lectures, conferences and I learn. I'm in college pursing a degree in English because I want to learn. I plan on going to grad school because I want to learn. These things do not debilitate me. Sometimes its daunting because there is so much work involved in the writing process when you worry about pace, hooks, characterization, etc., early on when maybe you should just worry about getting the story out.

Yes, it could be paralyzing for others, but it's not for me. My writing is stronger today than it was a year ago because I'm always learning how to become a better storyteller. My first drafts are still crap, just like everyone else's. Yet I've learned what to look out for, what my weaknesses and my strengths are, and how to fix them. So I'm more than a race car driver wanna be. I'm a writer, albeit a slower one than some perhaps. As much as it pissed me off to experience this, I didn't let it ruin my mood or my weekend.

Since I was a child, I have escaped to books, stories, anything I could get my hands on. I was Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys. I read all of the Stephen King books available by the time I was in 6th grade. I stumbled upon romance novels when I was 14. I've seen worlds that didn't even exist. I've been transported from the everyday toil and drudgery of life into the exciting pages of stories by the most fascinating of storytellers.

I immersed myself in stories of cowboys and Native Americans. I looked at each beloved line used in Cassie Edwards' books, and I knew that I wanted to one day write a story so beautiful. A few years ago I became bored with reading: cowboys, Native Americans, Englishmen, Scottish warriors, nothing helped me escape.

Lucky for me there is a Bookrack located 3 minutes from my job. I'd often spend my lunch hour perusing the shelves. The worker knew my tastes and took a chance on me, referring me a paranormal romance after I hit my reading rut.

I was skeptic at first, but Janet knew what she was talking about. It was love at first bite (lol). I've been hooked ever since. I don't know what the first book was, but I think it was a Christine Feehan (one of the Dark series).

A voracious reader, I tore through the shelves grabbing whatever I could hold. I eventually found the Crimson City series. I fell in love with the stories, the world, and the characters. I quickly grabbed onto any books the writers of the series had on their backlist and found the Tigress series of Jade Lee; a wonderful writer of Paranormal Romance, she helped me escape into the beautiful setting of Shanghai, time and time again.

Over the years I have found many favorite authors. These are my classics. These are my teachers. I learn from them. I read their stories to escape, and I work every day at my own writing in hopes that I will one day be able to write as well as they do.

Everyone knows how excited I was to attend the conference because one of my favorite authors would be attending and speaking. Of all the empty chairs in the joint, she chose the one next to me for lunch! I would like to think that I am now a woman of class and can handle anything, right?

Not so much. I couldn't even speak. I had to work to chew, and we all know I have no problems with chewing. I couldn't even answer her when she asked me a direct question. (What's the name of my blog - heck I don't know!! Thank goodness I had a name tag I'd probably have forgotten that, too.). Here's Jade Lee, trying hard not to run away from the crazed fan - being a famous writer is so tough!!:

She was wonderful and handled my dorkiness with grace. She even told a story to make me feel at ease with being starstruck. What can I say, I may be a writer but I was a reader first (and the dorkiness will probably never go away. lol)

I learned so much this weekend. I found so many ways to improve my writing, and I met so many wonderful people. I can't wait to get back to Nalia and her tale to see what happens before her first full moon as a shapeshifter.

For anyone who did not attend the NOLA Stars workshop and wanted to, get ready for next year. This is a yearly conference you can't afford to miss.

(It's wonderful to point out that I'm the only one in all of these pics that isn't published! Yep I like to surround myself with greatness!!)

Drinking: Mr. Pibb (need to get back to studying - caffeine is good!)

Music: Best of Baroque album (gets the learning juices flowing)

Mood: Relaxed

Currently: Doing anything but studying; who knew washing clothes was so much fun!

Dreaming of: Life before I had to become immersed in French

Realization: I'm so grateful that is so-called crazy life I have offers me the opportunity and ability to attend such fantastic conferences. Thank you writers for teaching me so much.

**Sorry - I seem to be having post issues. Sorry if there is a lot of space or not enough - I should be studying. Opps! lol. Until next time,

Mindy

Looking Forward to New Days

Bonjour, mon amis!

Je suis assez bien. Je parle un peu francais. Je pense que le francais est difficile. (I'm fairly well. I speak a little French. I think that French is difficult.)

Due to the Mardi Gras festivities, I had a week off of school. That means at 5pm, I headed home or wherever I wanted to go, whatever I wanted to do, for 5 whole days. It was lovely and made me regret my decision not to stay out of school for one semester. But I made my decision and paid the big bucks, so school is where I am.

I did spend some time writing and that has improved my spirits tremendously. I figure if I can write just 15 minutes a day, then I can do this without feeling like I'm cutting off half of my heart to chase another part of my dream. But I know myself and my wicked ways, and I know that I'll find that 15 minutes aren't enough. Sometimes I'm stubborn and it's all or nothing. Hopefully, it is enough for now.

The great news is that I'm looking forward to the NOLA Stars Conference next weekend in Shreveport. One of my fav authors Jade Lee will be there. I cannot wait to meet her and learn about world-building!! My sister Stacey and I are heading out for a mini vacay away from home! It should be fun and I'm really looking forward to it. (Maybe I should have made some business cards - another thing on the to do list I totally forgot about. Jeez!!)

The massive pain in the back of my thigh has dimmed a bit. So I should be able to start exercising again. 30 minutes a day, doctor's orders. Ugh, the one good thing to come of this mess was that it was okay to be lazy. *Sigh*

Guess the vacation is over (until Friday).

So I'm getting on track right now. No one knows what lies ahead. A wise friend told me this week (or maybe last week) that we have to focus on today. And that's what I'll try to do. Mostly because I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with what lies ahead....Maybe I won't be as great a writer as I think I am. Maybe my family will be shattered by the verdict. Maybe my GPA will plummet and I'll fail my first class (ever). Maybe I won't be able to become frugal enough to survive the recession and state of the economy. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. The list is never ending.

So I'm studying my French and getting back to trying to be healthy. Tomorrow is March 1st and (as they say,) Tomorrow is a New Day!

Mindy

The Calming Focus

Bonjour, mon amies. (Hello, my friends.) Je suis assez bien. (I am fairly well.) Mon cours tue moi. (My class kills me).

I'm wondering where I have been for the past XX years. I've lived here all of my life, yet today I learned about Mardi Gras. Who knew that there was more to this "holiday" than beads and alcohol. Interessant! My next assignment is to interview someone who was punished for speaking French in school, in the old days. There are like 6 pages of requirements/specifics for the whole project. Then I have to ask for definitions to specific words and be able to explain the answer in complete and clear sentences. Then I have to write a 3 page formal paper on "what I have learned." Jeez, Louise! I want a vacay! Due date March 25!! TICK-TOCK.

I'm currently experiencing that period known as the "calm after the storm." I have a new car and a new attitude. Not that it's a good attitude or bad, but it's definitely different from the Mindy that most of us are used to.

I'm feeling okay financially, a little less so emotionally, and a bit less so physically, as there are kinks (I can't sit or stand in the same position for more than 12 minutes but its much better than it was). I almost asked someone out on a date - yeah you read that right, but while I'm not that brave yet, there is an almost, and that is a lot further than normal.

Yesterday I wrote a post that I felt was too personal to actually send out there for all the world (yeah okay so perhaps no one will ever read it) to see. I wonder how horrible it will be (when??!?!?) I have a readership and they stumble upon this mess that is my musings and figure I'm nuts and never buy another book (how's that for big dreams, huh?) But being me I figure what the heck. Since when do I hold back on the gooey parts. So here's the post that I failed to post yesterday, with a few edits and additions:

I realized today that I am bemoaning my current situation, having forgotten the reason that I am here on this journey.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to graduate from high school and go off to some great college. A college so very far away from LA. Arizona, New York, California. Anywhere would have been my choice.

Yet I never made it anywhere. I found nothing but roadblocks along the way. I chose love, which is supposed to be the one thing I always believed would open the world for me, would make anything possible; and all this time I've blamed that on my choices, afraid to admit that I may have the worst taste in everything. (Sometimes I think I need a keeper!)

Yet I realize that it's my own insecurities that always hold me back. I find excuses on the curve of every road to nowhere. My problem may be the obsession I've always had with the four letter word. Since I was 14 years old, I've devoured romance novels. I've imagined it, breathed it, experienced it, wanted it, loved it, hated it. Perhaps I've set myself up for the train wreck (ha) that is that aspect of my life. Or maybe it's because I need to be the victim in this story, not satisfied, always left wanting/searching. Or maybe I should just be calling some hotties, in the white jackets. Regardless of the gazillion excuses and reasons my imaginative mind can come up with, the true question is: WHAT I wonder am I really afraid of? hmmm.

I’m stuck in a job I hate. Hours are taken from me as I toil at a job for a company that doesn’t deserve me. How many years wasted? Too many. More years than I’ve been an "adult" perhaps. But what jobs have I ever liked? I wonder. Are there people out there that truly love their jobs. That wake up refreshed and raring to go, as opposed to stomach cramps and cold sweats at 9pm which escalates until 7am when the only fix is a fetal position and a dark cramped place. What job could I possibly have that I would love? I know the answer and the dream but my mind screams failure as I think it. Things to worry about when I "grow older" I guess.

So what is the purpose? Why work at jobs that are beneath you? Why take classes that you don't want. Why work toward a degree you don’t know if you even need? Why you ask?

Because I made a promise to myself a long time ago, way before love found me, way before the troubles and responsibilities of life found me, way before I figured out I have the tendency to trip and fall all over the place. I made a promise to be the first in my family to graduate from college. I’m almost 30 years old, and I haven’t accomplished the goal and dream I set out to.

But I’m getting there. Slowly, very slowly, but sure. Gotta work, gotta survive, gotta learn, gotta write. Those are the days of my life.

I enjoyed a meal and conversation with one of my fav gals today. She helped me see that I am on the road to where I want to be. That first goal is accomplishable and within my reach. Every day, even if I’m not writing, I gain something, a thought, an opinion, a contradiction, which helps my writing skills grow - which helps me grow as a person. We worked on some kinks in my story and got me some ideas for a fix. Maybe the problem is that I'm forcing my character to be a 2x-something character, when in actuality she is younger. Maybe Nalia's story is centered more toward Young Adult than my norm. We shall see I guess.

My fav gal, helped me realize that had I not gone back to college, I wouldn’t have Marilyn, Mnemosyne, Fin, Sugarcane, etc, and that is a tragedy. None of these stories would have found me had I not been pushed and had I not been pushing myself in class at those times. I’m on this journey for a reason, even if it's not the journey I imagine I want, need, etc.

....The point is that I see you, fair child with the large green eyes. I see you blink those beautiful eyes behind plastic frames. I see you nervously smooth your unruly hair behind cute ears. You pout and wrinkle your nose when you think really hard. You wiggle in your seat when the words are flowing inside of your brain and your nimble fingers just aren't fast enough to keep up. You gaze intently at those you notice around you, when you bother to look up from your imaginings, and you wonder - who are they? what are their stories? what can they teach me? how will they change me? And you are not afraid. You smile shyly and you head off, to explore and tell the stories that only you can tell.

I see you inside of me, and I will find a way back. I may have finally found my focus.

So reader of my oh so crazy life, have you found yours? Think back and reflect! It's good for the soul!

A New View

Bonjour! Je suis pas tres bien.

It's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened, and I've been a bit under the weather. It seems I drove my car into a post, not intentionally but I should have avoided it easily yet I seemed to fail to see it entirely. Too busy and not too observant. I guess I needed to slow down a bit, and I was avoiding all of the other "signs"; so it seemed an actual sign had to come into my path.

Well, I thought my car was fine but it has been totalled. So I'm car shopping, which is the last thing I wanted, needed, or expected to do. There are currently 3 vehicles in the running but I'm not sure what I am going with. I spent all day Saturday car shopping with my wonderful sis, and all I got was heat stroke - fun times. lol

I go back to work tomorrow, and my soul is crying out in agony. The things we do for money. I have to be able to afford that new car note. I have to "work to live" rather than "live to work."

I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" tonight and it was fantastic. I love good movies that make you feel good no matter what your situation is! It's funny how the movie makes you want to analyze all of your past relationships to pinpoint the signs that you should have noticed way back when that would have clued you in that the "relationship" was headed nowhere fast. lol. but that's for another novel.

I haven't been writing or thinking about writing or anything of that nature. I did manage to read 4 books this week - I guess that makes up for the reading that I had planned during the break but never got around to. I love words. I see them on page as written by my favorite paranormal romance authors and I wonder if I will ever be that good. I hope so. I hope that one day the greats get excited when they see a book with my name printed on the cover and can't wait to get home and read it front to back. Big dreams there! But some days what else do we have to hold onto?

A wise friend told me this week that it's about the journey rather than the destination. I keep trucking and pushing everything aside while I focus on the end goal. I realize now that I'm missing everything along the way. I'm missing the journey and running through life. Having landed face first into a kryptonite post, I definitely don't want this to be the middle of my story - because I wouldn't read it. So point taken; I see the error of my ways and will work on improving them.

I realize how lucky I am. I have the best friends and family that a girl could ask for. I only hope ya'll know how much I love and appreciate you, even when I probably don't say it enough. It's in print now for all the times I'll probably forget to say it - Love You!

*Thinking of You: Driving in the car, I hear the lyrics to a song you shared so long ago. I watch a movie, bringing memories of your home state, and I think of you as a child and what that must have been like, growing up so different from myself. Yet I'll never be able to ask now. Every license plate I pass, shows your last state. Every third word spoken reminds me of our unfinished story. You're like a distant memory hidden in one corner of my mind and life. I regret that I didn't speak up - clearer and sooner than you did. I wish things could have been different, and I wish you luck in your life, miles away from my so-called life.

So here's to every possibility I didn't reach out to and all the new ones that I will reach out to. No more focusing on the destination. A clear view lies on the here and the now.

Current Addictions: Supernatural and sweets