The Road to an Art Gallery!

My blogs have become non-existent during the latter part of last year and beginning of this year. So much has happened/changed in my life; I hardly recognize this life as being mine.

I changed jobs, traveled to Europe, and accepted more responsibility at work.

All this means is that I've become more separated from others and lost within myself. The business of writing and art brings a whole new dimension to the act of creation. As if it isn't hard enough to get 'er done, now there are worries about portfolios, promotion, marketing, career plans, resumes...ugh. It's quite daunting.

In 2009, writing took a backseat to starting the business of art and all that it entailed: putting my art for sale, making my first sale, artist portfolio, writing portfolio, creating art, etc.

A lot of work was done until I left for Europe. Since I returned from Europe, I gained more responsibility from my day job, requiring more sleep than normal (lol). (Man, I am soooo freaking tired lately!)

Tax season is always a trip. So many receipts to itemize and get to my accountant. Sadly that took 4 months until the bitter tax deadline date.

Now that taxes have been turned in, it's time to get my writing desk, studio, car, and house in order. Always something to do. I spend more time shuffling papers than anything else.

One of the problems I struggled with was having so many finished canvases collecting dust around my home. Now, I'm proud to announce, that yesterday I drove to New Orleans, Louisiana to drop of ten pieces of my original artwork at Rougarou Bayou – Riverfront Trading Post, "located on Level B of Riverwalk Marketplace, (which) features an eclectic collection of original art and artisan crafts from more than 60 New Orleans and surrounding area artists...features glass art, handcrafted... jewelry, candles, photography, collage and fabric art, and mixed media creations."

It amazes me the mysteries of life: "The Rougarou (alternately spelled as Roux-Ga-Roux, Rugaroo, or Rugaru), is a kind of werewolf in the Cajun folklore of French Louisiana". This is funny because as a paranormal writer, who has been working on a werewolf series for the past two years, it's quite fitting that the first art gallery where my work will be displayed would be named such, and I've been dying to write about a loup garou!

I faced what many writers and artists face, dreaded rejection, moreso than acceptance for the past couple years. Rejections happen and this we know. We understand we need a thicker skin, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I was stood up at an important appointment with a business to review my art porfolio this year. It left me shattered. A wise friend at work, Darcy, said, "girl walk it off; something is better out there for you." (Thats the jist; I can't remember her words of gold today; hey I was working. I was probably stressed/depressed already on top of the new depression. lol) But Darcy, girl were you right!

I have now updated my artist resume with the gallery listing and plan on getting back to the writing and art(ing) work as soon as my life is set to rights. I have been working on phase two of my art journey: jewelry charms and greeting cards of select pieces of my artwork. Those are in process and should be available soon.

I am a writer at heart. Anyone who knows me knows this. The art just came out of nowhere. But the difference, which I love between the two, is that art gives instant gratification. You start it. You finish it. You review it. You fix it; hey maybe you don't. But the bottom line is: it's done. Sure, ten months later you can revisit it and fix a few flaws, same as writing, but with writing there are edits, critiques, rewrites and so much blood spilt.

I attended my first Women of Faith Conference, which rocked my world out of axis. I'm still trying to recover with the new good stuff that it has brought into my life: being reacquainted with faith, a new hope for Edit - the little girl from Bolivia I am sponsoring, strengthened friendships, and an upcoming mission trip to Mexico.

It's been a wild ride, and I really wish I had the time to get done all of the ideas / plans that run through my head done. The European story and canvas series are fighting to get out. But I haven't had a chance to take a breath, much less get them started. Where does the time go, I wonder.

Hopefully, I will get back to the studio quickly. I've missed writing, blogging, and reading blogs. It's definitely time to re-prioritize things.

Food: none
Drink: Dr. Pepper
Music: none, I need a nap.
Mood: very very happy and mello!

Just Another Day in Paradise

I have recently reacquainted myself with one of my most prized tools as a writer, my critique group. Scheduling conflicts have lead us astray for the latter half of last year, but we are reevaluating and changing days and it looks like we may have found a happy medium.

Our little group originally consisted of 6 writers in varying genres but with a common denominator, we love to write and are passionate about getting our stories down. Our stories range from novels, short stories, thriller, science fiction, crime, fantasy, articles, business writing, throw in some poetry and snapshots of life and we have it all.

Having a critique group is priceless. Everyone brings varying degrees of input and insights. A great group can help by asking you the questions you didn't think of in the first place, further fleshing out characters and scenes, and helping you find markets you didn't think of for your work.

I get the best of both worlds. I get a fantastic critique group complete with masterful brainstorming sessions. Meeting over drinks or dinner, we throw ideas around, play what-ifs, brainstorm plot and characters.

With such a crack team, I know our writing will be better than it ever could have been working alone. And the fabulous support system it brings isn't so bad either.

I left our meeting yesterday invigorated and ready to plot and work that short story that has been brewing in my head onto paper, and better equipped to say what I wanted to say on the first draft instead of playing my favorite game of chasing my writer's tail/tale (ha, works both ways).

I sprained my ankle last night. Slept horribly in pain without any meds or ice or anything needed to fix a sprain. I headed to the ER this morning to spend money that I don't have and to get info that I could have retrieved off of my wonderful computer. Life is grand indeed.

Pain induced combined with sleep deprived, I made poor decisions which may affect my already straining working life. But I can't change that now. What's done is done and will have to be dealt with as it happens. I can just pray for mercy and hope for the best.

If there is anything worse than being at home, bored, tired of reading, tired of sleeping, miserable, elevating/ice packing/compressing a swollen foot, I just don't know. Relief came by way of the wonderful FEDEx man who delivered a package of art supplies I ordered last week.

With an elevated foot and using my "new to me" wonderful drawing board that my mom picked up at a garage sale for $1, I worked on my current art work in progress, my self portrait. I just wanted to tell my artsy friends out there about a product that I love, love, love.

Tim Holtz distress ink crackle paint is a must have. (I'll add pics later once my invalid stage ends). I'm a fan of using crackle paint, and the old way that I did it included mixing a cheap crackle medium with the acrylic color of my choice and painting it onto the page. Other than having to wash the mixer, there really isn't any other steps than that and its super easy.

But the ingenious behind Tim Holtz products never fails to astound me. The paint is thick and gooey and the end result crackle affect alters in size based on the amount of paint applied on the area. It dries quickly and works favorable with a heat tool. Tim Holtz distress ink pads can be added (once fully dry) to enhance the antiquing affect and look of the cracks. Truly fabulous. I love love love it. Get it online at http://www.misterart.com/ or http://www.dickblick.com/.

Art heals in more ways that we ever know or understand. Looking back at my original art journals, the pain flows off of the pages. I sometimes wonder how I lived with so much anger and hurt. My more recent books are fresh, healthier, happier.

Yet sometimes I feel that opening myself up to art may have stinted my writing capabilities. My words are not as sharp and great as they used to be. Maybe I'll have to sacrifice my old writing style for my art. Hopefully, there isn't a limit to the amount of creativity available. Either way, this is something I will deal with as it comes.

I'm a writer, an artist, and a liver of the creative life. What will you create today?

**Note: I have not been paid for or by any company, etc for posting this blog. All products discussed were purchased by me with my own hard earned cash from the retail and home health businesses.

A Constant Pondering:

What the heck am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?!?

I just returned from a 2 week trip to Europe - my first. It was wonderful. Paris was cold and dreary but beautiful and inspiring. The food - not so great. The start of the trip was filled with jet lag and sleep/body changes associated with waking up in one time zone and flying around the world to another.

We finally got everything in sync...and it was time to travel to Spain. The train ride - long train ride - from Paris, France to Barcelona, Spain was interesting. The countryside took my breath away, inspiration flying out of my pores. I couldn't seem to absorb it fast enough. We rode first class all the way to the border - quite an experience. Then the second part of the trip, we rode in, what must have been, the first train ever made. It was long and slow and bumpy. I watched a couple next to me make a love connection. People-watching at its best!

We flew from Barcelona to Malaga, Spain, to what will be one of my new favorite cities to visit. I climbed a freakin' mountain, thought I would die from doing it, but hey, I made it - however slowly! We walked all around the beautiful city from beach to border. Enjoyed every minute of it. I loved the cafes, wines, pastries, tapas, shopping, sites.

And still it's so good to be back home...in this freakin' cold weather! It was wonderful weather in Spain and freezing temps back home...so weird. I have so much hope for 2010. But I'm right back to the question that has been on my mind constantly for the past few days, weeks, months, years...what the heck am I going to do with my life???

I'm 30, single, nothing to hold me back..so what is?!

I have no idea...but I do have a new "5 year plan"! So exciting and the details are all my own - a secret! I'm looking forward to normal temps in my old house so that I can start cleaning and reorganizing my life. Once my studio is back on track (I was so productive the last few months of 2009 - my studio is a nightmare!!!), I'm planning on taking an online art class.

I've never taken an online art workshop. I did purchase the DVDs from two workshops of a favorite artist of mine, Tamara Laporte. She taught me so much in her dvds, but I want to branch out, learn from others. I fought with my decision, who to go with: Tam, Julie Pritchard, SuziBlu, etc...nothing quite matching what I envisioned.

So I struggled with determining which online art class / workshop I would join. After 2 days of research I was right where I started...dreading the "only other option." But I refused to give up and dug deeper. And sure enough...I found a winner: Monica Zuniga from www.handsandheart.ning.com . Her work is fantastic and makes me want to fight the freezing temps in my old, uninsulated house to get that studio in order...stat!! I look forward to the learning ahead of me.

Now that I am not formally going to university, I can get back to other things...writing, exercise, cooking, art...okay okay so I never really "got" into cooking in the first place...or exercise for that matter...but there is no time like now to start. I'm searching for better job offers and hoping for the best to come in 2010. I look forward to the changes that this year will bring, especially since I'll be stuck at home since I spent so much money on my vacation!

I can't wait to get back to my writing. As far as I can see, I'm thinking the beginning of the year will be for taxes, writing and art classes...and the second half - who knows. None of my plans ever happen so I won't bother past these hopes and dreams.

What are you waiting for? What do you plan for 2010?

Looking Back and Looking Forward

I received another rejection email, which is amusing only because I haven't sent anything out in a while, so how about that long reply time. I finished French this semester with a B. I'm usually an overachiever when it comes to my classes so normally anything less than an A would be heartbreaking, but I'm not feeling French and school much lately so I deserved the B and will be glad it isn't worse.

I am planning on taking a bit of time off from school. I'm hoping it will only be one semester and that I will be back to the grind come the Fall, but at this point I will just see how it goes. It's not in my nature to stop learning, so I'll take online art classes with some of my favorite artists for the next couple months. I'm looking forward to classes that are available when you have time rather than during specified times, and I really want to take some real art lessons.

I'm trying to get my house in order. It is a mess after this rough semester I've had. I'm packing and getting things ready for my upcoming trip - my first time to Europe. I will be spending 10 days with my friends in Paris and parts of Spain. I'm looking forward to getting away and seeing the sights and being inspired by everything that is waiting for me abroad.

Looking back, I realize that with all the ups and downs of 2009, it was a great great great year for travel. I've been to New Orleans, Shreveport, Pennsylvania, Washington, Virginia, Oklahoma, and now visiting Europe. That's not bad for a year-in-review.

2009 was a blessing. I have so much to be thankful for, yet I tend to dwell on the negatives. I finally made the decision to quit a job that had been holding me back. While I do not regret the decision, I think I could have been smarter, saved more money or changed jobs in 2008! But it is what it is, and I experienced a period of 28 days without employment barely scraping by. Yet the blessing in those days was a clean house, time to exercise, and wonderful time in my art studio.

I completed about 42 pieces of art, sold one, and received requests for two commissions. I started my first online art gallery at http://www.artwriter.artfire.com/ . I completed an artist portfolio, but have yet to show it to the two establishments that I made it for. That's on the list of things to tackle in early January 2010.

I'm working at a job that is more physical, which has its perks, like a killer employee discount on craft and art supplies, that I am using to my advantage, but I'm back in the grind, working a lot so I've stepped back on eating healthy and working out. Two other repeat resolutions for 2010.

A miracle came my way when I was at rock bottom about to make a decision to cash in my pension. This miracle brings with it heartache and pain, but will be what I need to get back on my feet. There is a price for everything it seems. Of all I've learned in my young life it has been that.

Anything I lack in life I make up for in quality of friends and family. I am blessed in so many ways. I get support from those I love, I have a house and studio that I enjoy immensely. I get to create stories and art which heals me bit by bit.

I am not the girl I once was, and I never will be. I am who I am. With the Good and Bad. With the Strong and Weak. The days of me trying to change to please others is so over. I'm stronger than ever and I know that I'm only given the trials that He knows I can overcome. So I will.

This is what I strive for in 2010 and will be my only resolutions. I feel the sentence covers just about everything: I want to be a healthy and happy Me, full of love and creativity, and hopefully finding more success in selling my stories and art!

Gearing up for what's ahead

Any desire to be a writer or artist is strife with research, learning, mess. Creating is the easy part. Its what comes after that is stress worthy and headache worthy.

This year I have transitioned drastically from the person I started out being as the new year was upon us. I changed jobs. I bought a new car. I had many eye-opening and life-evaluating experiences.

I reorganized my house and my life. I repainted my bedroom. I put paintings up in my house. I stepped back from my art journaling and became a true artist.

Now I'm working on the business of art, which is very similar to the business of writing. My creativity stems from so many areas. I find that this year was the year where I sought instant gratification that only art and short stories can give me. My novel has shifted to the wayside, but I remain working on the small stuff and cultivating the stories in my head.

In the art aspect, I currently have 12 pieces that I have finished so far this year. I have acquired postcards, business cards, plastic sleeves, envelops, mailing labels, rubber stamps with mailing address, etc.

I have created both an etsy and artfire account to eventually put the artwork and prints up for sale. I have found that with my recent change in jobs, I don't have to "give up" anything like I did for 2008 and the beginning of 2009. I'm following in school, though slightly behind. I'm taking care of the house and regular "chores" like I never did before. I'm becoming more well-rounded as a domestic-inclined person, student, writer, artist, person, etc.

I'm currently working on my artist portfolio and hoping to get a few of my paintings on display at a local venue. There are resumes, bios, statements, etc to be completed. I have tackled the listing of paintings, determined pricing, setup spreadsheets for accounting purposes, etc. I'm working on certificates of authenticity right now.

I joined 3 art groups online who have been my constant supporters, fountains of knowledge, and helpers throughout this process and ordeal. I have learned so much and am ever so grateful for these changes in my life which have lead me to here.

I feel inspired so easily these days and I now have the means to take that inspiration and make something, rather than putting it aside for another time.

I have always had the tendency to focus on the bad. I am working on self esteem and forgiveness and I'm learning to think positive and focus on all of the good that surrounds me. While I do not have the family that I always dreamed of, I have a great group of family and friends that love and support me and enable me to be and do all that I dream of. The rest will come or won't. We all have a purpose in life, whether we know it or not and that too will be shown in time.

I hope to get back into the swing of things, attending writers group and critique group meetings, attending to my writerly duties and returning emails and doing all of the things I previously loved doing. But time will tell when that will be possible. My new work situation has me alternating weekends with both of my jobs, which means I'm working every weekend. I don't have the funds to do all that I previously did, attending conferences and planning vacations. So I'm learning to budget and plan for bigger things rather than many smaller venues.

New Years Eve will bring me to my first trip to Europe. I will be traveling with friends to Paris and beyond ... to Morocco. A chance of a lifetime. A new understanding of the language to see fruition. Life is just so so good. I had no idea it was possible to be this happy.

Mood: content
Drinking: way too much cola
Eating: 1st ever crab cakes I ever made and moma's gumbo
Wishing for: the strength to get through these hard times with a positive attitude and a happy demeanor....and to get some of my art out there for the world to see and purchase...Finally selling something I had created is definitely on the list of hopes!

what else is there???

Oh How Time Flies

My weekend trip to the beautiful city of Austin was amazing. I traveled with some great friends, had some laughs and listened to some rockin' music. We remembered the old days and I dreamed about the days to come. I do love the city of Austin, Texas and I'm always saddened to see it growing ever smaller in the rear view mirror.

On the drive back, I spoke to a manager that I had recently interviewed with and found that I had the job and when could I start? Well this girl needed a day to recoup from the wild weekend of mud and muck. So I started this past Wednesday at my new job as a cashier at my favorite store, Hobby Lobby.

Hmm a cashier...hmmm at Hobby Lobby? people ask. Where did you work before? people ask. Don't they pay you much better then this place? people ask.

Yes. I left a job that was no longer working for me, that was causing way too much stress but which paid really well. I chose Mindy and Mind over Money. And I must say that I'm loving this new life. I work a few less hours; I get a whole lot more done at home. My house and car are cleaner. I have time to study. I have time to create art and write. My brain is fresh and ready emotionally and mentally to take on the challenges of writing and art and school.

Now my feet and back are a different story. I went from a job that had me chained to a desk for 7 years where I gained 5 dress sizes, to a job where I'm on my feet all day and lifting heavy boxes and objects, and I'm loving every minute of it. My feet are comfortably sore at the end of the day and still all I can do is smile. I sleep so much better than I had been. The stress of not having a full time job had been getting to me. I've had two or more jobs since I was 19 years old. So it takes some getting used to.

Nanowrimo approaches and I find that I'm ready to get back to Nalia's story and finish her once and for all. Will this be the November that I get to the end of her tale? I sure hope so. Her and I have been inside each others heads for too long now and its time for her story to be told. So I have high hopes for November.

My French class is driving me crazy, but I am happy to report that I will be heading to Paris at the end of the year. Yes I will be bringing in the New Year in Paris and then traveling to Spain for a wonderful 10 day trip in all with some good friends. I'm looking forward to that trip, which is the only thing that may help me get through this semester.

I have a story to tell, but I think I'll save that...perhaps for another day.

The Winds of Change is Upon Me

Here's my newest illustration friday pages - Tango:

I wrote for the first time in what feels like forever. When I stopped dealing with my WIP I was having a problem with plausibility since the age of the character changed after writing over 90K words. Well that shifts everything that came before it and that I imagined would come after. Finally, after all of this time I could see the fix. It was crystal clear and just what I needed. I wrote 700 wds in 10 minutes and it felt sooo good.

I'm working on my art until more words come back to me, counting the days until the new semester starts. I am not looking forward to any more French classes but I don't really have a choice do I.

I'm setting the ball rolling for making positive changes in my life. I have no idea where this will lead but I know that I will be so much happier when I get there.

Hugs!

La Nouvelle Orleans R Bust!!

After my 3rd French test and my first week working half days back on the phones at work, I needed a break, an escape, a time to laugh and enjoy being alive a bit.

My friend Rhegan and I traveled to Houma, Louisiana for the Jubilee Writer's Conference this weekend. We left a day early to do a bit of sightseeing and relaxing. We shopped and walked until we dropped. It was a beautiful day filled with writing, dreaming, inspiration, and possibilities. Two wayward travelers (how many times did we get lost along the way?):



Happy looks good on us, I think:


We found French everywhere. We tried to use French words whenever we could. It was a great opportunity to get some studying done while I was having such fun!!




There is so much world out there. Where will our lives take us? I wonder. As I reflect upon the past 10 years the saying "if I knew then what I know now" runs through my mind. I can only hope that I make better choices and that the future brings so much more. But regardless, for all of the ups and the downs, I'm here and I'm ready. I am open to the possibilities and the opportunities, I will not give up hope.




There were signs everywhere:

Stolen moments. Opportunities to write. Inspiration can be found on every street corner in beautiful la Novelle Orleans:

After such a hard day's work (lol) what could we do but finish the night with some Bourbon Street strolling:

The trip was great. As many know, I am not the best driver and I tend to be a bit directionally challenged. A few wrong and missed turns happened along the way. But we made it to our destination. The conference was fabulous, as always. It was a memorable weekend.



The job and school are driving me crazy. April is a big month for travels for me, with this New Orleans trip and my trip next week to Washington. But what happens in May I wonder? My travel plans end in April and then what will get me through the day?

Well, I won't depress myself about that now. The memories of this month will have to suffice. I look forward to my trip next week. I'm excited but I still haven't packed yet. Yikes. I don't have anything to wear. Hopefully, I don't aggravate my sis or Lauren too much. But whatever happens will happen. These memories I will need to get me through to the next vacation, the next stolen moment, the next great escape. With my so-called life, I'll definitely need it.

Drinking; Pinot Grigio

Watching: Stardust

Eating: Pralines from the Southern Candy Co

Dreaming: of possibilities

The Calming Focus

Bonjour, mon amies. (Hello, my friends.) Je suis assez bien. (I am fairly well.) Mon cours tue moi. (My class kills me).

I'm wondering where I have been for the past XX years. I've lived here all of my life, yet today I learned about Mardi Gras. Who knew that there was more to this "holiday" than beads and alcohol. Interessant! My next assignment is to interview someone who was punished for speaking French in school, in the old days. There are like 6 pages of requirements/specifics for the whole project. Then I have to ask for definitions to specific words and be able to explain the answer in complete and clear sentences. Then I have to write a 3 page formal paper on "what I have learned." Jeez, Louise! I want a vacay! Due date March 25!! TICK-TOCK.

I'm currently experiencing that period known as the "calm after the storm." I have a new car and a new attitude. Not that it's a good attitude or bad, but it's definitely different from the Mindy that most of us are used to.

I'm feeling okay financially, a little less so emotionally, and a bit less so physically, as there are kinks (I can't sit or stand in the same position for more than 12 minutes but its much better than it was). I almost asked someone out on a date - yeah you read that right, but while I'm not that brave yet, there is an almost, and that is a lot further than normal.

Yesterday I wrote a post that I felt was too personal to actually send out there for all the world (yeah okay so perhaps no one will ever read it) to see. I wonder how horrible it will be (when??!?!?) I have a readership and they stumble upon this mess that is my musings and figure I'm nuts and never buy another book (how's that for big dreams, huh?) But being me I figure what the heck. Since when do I hold back on the gooey parts. So here's the post that I failed to post yesterday, with a few edits and additions:

I realized today that I am bemoaning my current situation, having forgotten the reason that I am here on this journey.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to graduate from high school and go off to some great college. A college so very far away from LA. Arizona, New York, California. Anywhere would have been my choice.

Yet I never made it anywhere. I found nothing but roadblocks along the way. I chose love, which is supposed to be the one thing I always believed would open the world for me, would make anything possible; and all this time I've blamed that on my choices, afraid to admit that I may have the worst taste in everything. (Sometimes I think I need a keeper!)

Yet I realize that it's my own insecurities that always hold me back. I find excuses on the curve of every road to nowhere. My problem may be the obsession I've always had with the four letter word. Since I was 14 years old, I've devoured romance novels. I've imagined it, breathed it, experienced it, wanted it, loved it, hated it. Perhaps I've set myself up for the train wreck (ha) that is that aspect of my life. Or maybe it's because I need to be the victim in this story, not satisfied, always left wanting/searching. Or maybe I should just be calling some hotties, in the white jackets. Regardless of the gazillion excuses and reasons my imaginative mind can come up with, the true question is: WHAT I wonder am I really afraid of? hmmm.

I’m stuck in a job I hate. Hours are taken from me as I toil at a job for a company that doesn’t deserve me. How many years wasted? Too many. More years than I’ve been an "adult" perhaps. But what jobs have I ever liked? I wonder. Are there people out there that truly love their jobs. That wake up refreshed and raring to go, as opposed to stomach cramps and cold sweats at 9pm which escalates until 7am when the only fix is a fetal position and a dark cramped place. What job could I possibly have that I would love? I know the answer and the dream but my mind screams failure as I think it. Things to worry about when I "grow older" I guess.

So what is the purpose? Why work at jobs that are beneath you? Why take classes that you don't want. Why work toward a degree you don’t know if you even need? Why you ask?

Because I made a promise to myself a long time ago, way before love found me, way before the troubles and responsibilities of life found me, way before I figured out I have the tendency to trip and fall all over the place. I made a promise to be the first in my family to graduate from college. I’m almost 30 years old, and I haven’t accomplished the goal and dream I set out to.

But I’m getting there. Slowly, very slowly, but sure. Gotta work, gotta survive, gotta learn, gotta write. Those are the days of my life.

I enjoyed a meal and conversation with one of my fav gals today. She helped me see that I am on the road to where I want to be. That first goal is accomplishable and within my reach. Every day, even if I’m not writing, I gain something, a thought, an opinion, a contradiction, which helps my writing skills grow - which helps me grow as a person. We worked on some kinks in my story and got me some ideas for a fix. Maybe the problem is that I'm forcing my character to be a 2x-something character, when in actuality she is younger. Maybe Nalia's story is centered more toward Young Adult than my norm. We shall see I guess.

My fav gal, helped me realize that had I not gone back to college, I wouldn’t have Marilyn, Mnemosyne, Fin, Sugarcane, etc, and that is a tragedy. None of these stories would have found me had I not been pushed and had I not been pushing myself in class at those times. I’m on this journey for a reason, even if it's not the journey I imagine I want, need, etc.

....The point is that I see you, fair child with the large green eyes. I see you blink those beautiful eyes behind plastic frames. I see you nervously smooth your unruly hair behind cute ears. You pout and wrinkle your nose when you think really hard. You wiggle in your seat when the words are flowing inside of your brain and your nimble fingers just aren't fast enough to keep up. You gaze intently at those you notice around you, when you bother to look up from your imaginings, and you wonder - who are they? what are their stories? what can they teach me? how will they change me? And you are not afraid. You smile shyly and you head off, to explore and tell the stories that only you can tell.

I see you inside of me, and I will find a way back. I may have finally found my focus.

So reader of my oh so crazy life, have you found yours? Think back and reflect! It's good for the soul!

A New View

Bonjour! Je suis pas tres bien.

It's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened, and I've been a bit under the weather. It seems I drove my car into a post, not intentionally but I should have avoided it easily yet I seemed to fail to see it entirely. Too busy and not too observant. I guess I needed to slow down a bit, and I was avoiding all of the other "signs"; so it seemed an actual sign had to come into my path.

Well, I thought my car was fine but it has been totalled. So I'm car shopping, which is the last thing I wanted, needed, or expected to do. There are currently 3 vehicles in the running but I'm not sure what I am going with. I spent all day Saturday car shopping with my wonderful sis, and all I got was heat stroke - fun times. lol

I go back to work tomorrow, and my soul is crying out in agony. The things we do for money. I have to be able to afford that new car note. I have to "work to live" rather than "live to work."

I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" tonight and it was fantastic. I love good movies that make you feel good no matter what your situation is! It's funny how the movie makes you want to analyze all of your past relationships to pinpoint the signs that you should have noticed way back when that would have clued you in that the "relationship" was headed nowhere fast. lol. but that's for another novel.

I haven't been writing or thinking about writing or anything of that nature. I did manage to read 4 books this week - I guess that makes up for the reading that I had planned during the break but never got around to. I love words. I see them on page as written by my favorite paranormal romance authors and I wonder if I will ever be that good. I hope so. I hope that one day the greats get excited when they see a book with my name printed on the cover and can't wait to get home and read it front to back. Big dreams there! But some days what else do we have to hold onto?

A wise friend told me this week that it's about the journey rather than the destination. I keep trucking and pushing everything aside while I focus on the end goal. I realize now that I'm missing everything along the way. I'm missing the journey and running through life. Having landed face first into a kryptonite post, I definitely don't want this to be the middle of my story - because I wouldn't read it. So point taken; I see the error of my ways and will work on improving them.

I realize how lucky I am. I have the best friends and family that a girl could ask for. I only hope ya'll know how much I love and appreciate you, even when I probably don't say it enough. It's in print now for all the times I'll probably forget to say it - Love You!

*Thinking of You: Driving in the car, I hear the lyrics to a song you shared so long ago. I watch a movie, bringing memories of your home state, and I think of you as a child and what that must have been like, growing up so different from myself. Yet I'll never be able to ask now. Every license plate I pass, shows your last state. Every third word spoken reminds me of our unfinished story. You're like a distant memory hidden in one corner of my mind and life. I regret that I didn't speak up - clearer and sooner than you did. I wish things could have been different, and I wish you luck in your life, miles away from my so-called life.

So here's to every possibility I didn't reach out to and all the new ones that I will reach out to. No more focusing on the destination. A clear view lies on the here and the now.

Current Addictions: Supernatural and sweets

I've got a Dirty Santa in my Life

Life is pretty good right now!

Work is actually going well. Nothing like major headlines that your company is "looking to get rid of 12,000 jobs" and HELLO productivity suddenly goes through the roof. Started a new healthy lifestyle this week. Things seem to be going great so far.

I'm working in my art journals. Bought 5 new potential books to alter. Looking forward to the process. I'm still avoiding my writing like the plague, while I bite my nails in fear, waiting for my English grade to post.

I traveled to Lake Charles today for the Bayou Writers' Group monthly meeting and Christmas Party. Talk about fun times. Those cookies and my fav cheeseball (thanks Bev) (I'm in MY version of heaven). We played Dirty Santa and while my present was one of the last few to get chosen, it seemed very popular, right up there with the bottles of wine - great competition.

This was the project I worked on with the Sassy Scrappers on 11/22/08. The secret is out now. Great book - I think I need one for myself. I hope the new owner enjoys it as much as I enjoyed making it.

Just a recap of the meeting fun. We counted the library table decoration as a christmas present, somebody (dummy me) picked the table decoration as a gift (it was cute!!!), Jessy's gifts were stolen continuously - poor jess. Our gallant gentleman new member rescued my sunglasses for me, sigh! We knocked a table over - sounded like glass breaking - scared me to pieces. (opps! It wasn't me!) And two bottles of wine were present. Did I mention Bev's cheeseball. Yeah BWG knows how to throw a party lol!

Today, a friend discussed with me the opportunity to add something wonderful to my life and writing career. The problem: If I add one more thing to my pile, I may lose them all. What do you do when you cannot fit one more thing into your life without getting rid of something else? How do you decide what, if anything, to get rid of? How much will you regret it if you do not jump at this chance? (Sigh! making decisions sucks!)

Drink: Coke Zero

Currently: Working (Yuck)

Eating: Nothing (I'm becoming one of those people who eats carrots. Quoting from 1 of my fav movies "A Mirror Has Two Faces" - "Isn't that tragic?")

Music: You don't want to know!

Mood: contemplative

Perturbed

Though it may not appear that way, I tend to be a perfectionist, mostly when it comes to my work, writing, etc. I take pride in a job well done. I don't look for the quickest answer; I look for the right one. I don't push jobs onto others, when I can do it myself. I believe in quality rather than quantity.

Others do not share my views/work ethic, and that's just fine. To each his/her own.

I've waited so long to start a blog because I wonder: What do I have to say? And who wants to read it anyway? People have been telling me for years to get one started. But I sometimes don't have time to write. So how can I take the time to blog.

And after thinking this over, and over, and over in that way that I over-analyze everything to death, I've decided that I guess all I have to do is talk about whatever crazy notions/experiences/theories/etc I want to, in the perspective of a young, single woman pursuing a degree, chasing her dreams, creating her art, while working two jobs, wondering if her soul mate is: dead, in prison, a shooting star.

Some wonder how I manage to keep it together.

And I really don't. I put off for tomorrow whatever I can and wish for the best. Luckily for me it usually works out.

So I'll just rant and rave until I have something more professional to write about I guess...


8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 80 hours a paycheck.

This is what I signed up for. Decent pay for someone without a degree, willing to work, in exchange for great benefits and "a chance for advancement."

What did I get?

Great benefits that decrease each year. Mandatory overtime required for over a month as a result of poor decisions made by the powers the be. Inflexibility of "the rules." No consideration toward the lives being disrupted by these insensitive decisions. No hero to 'fight the good fight' for the little people. Decreased health conditions. The tendency to overeat when emotionally drained/charged/depressed/etc. (well ok I always had this one but its been magnified). The gnawing ache of a black hole threatening to engulf me upon awakening each morning until I fly out of the doors towards my car at the end of the day. My once (slightly damaged) but beautifully formed soul blackens and dies a little more each day.

Yeah so I became a college drop years ago. Bills and responsibility sucked me into a "good" job. And like in the mob, I may never get out.

Yet fear holds me back. What if there is nothing else out there? Only a different shade of this same hell? What if no other company wants me?

What do I do?

Nothing.

I suck it up. And vow to do it again tomorrow.

And I just pray that one day (soon) I'll get brave.


HOW APPROPRIATE IS THIS?


Gemini Horoscope for September 26, 2008
You can walk away from something and even if you have to sacrifice money in the process you'll maintain your self respect. This will reduce your stress levels considerably.


HMMMMM....