It's All In the Eyes

I seem to have an addiction - well many really - but today we'll focus on how I have this crazy, obsessive, freakish desire to read constantly. I can never seem to get enough of books. I heart them, big big. Anyone who knows me knows I walk around with at least 3 items, in my bag, of the reading variety.

So I've been doing a bit of reading on my newest worrisome qualities. I've been noticing grey hairs and extra wrinkles lately. I refuse to let it give me a complex (no guys and girls that WAS NOT a complex I was having while I cried and fussed about it all day yesterday lol). I will age gracefully or not so gracefully, as I am intended. (But I wouldn't be me if I wouldn't try to do WHATEVER I have to in order to slow the process down a bit!)

After all of the sun burns, lack of drinking water, poor dieting habits, etc., my skin is a train wreck. And while I cannot change the damage of the past, that much, I can change how much damage happens in the future.

I was reading some interesting posts about (my favorite feature) the EYES, and came across this one by Jaks Lloyd, former photographic fashion model. Give it a read; she seems pretty knowledgeable. After the article, I will include some more personal tidbits.

"Understanding Eye Wrinkles

Three layers make up skin. The surface, visible layer is called the Epidermis.

Under the epidermis lies the middle layer known as the Dermis.

Beneath this is the Subcutaneous layer, the third innermost layer. As we age the dermis or middle layer looses it's elastic quality.

The dermis contains fibres called Elastin and a protein called Collagen, both of which prevent wrinkles and allow the skin to have that young, fresh look and feel.

The skin is able to retain moisture and the ability to stretch. As time goes by the dermis gradually loses both Elastin and Collagen, causing the skin to become thinner and less able to retain moisture.

The subcutaneous layer also begins to lose the fat that gives youthful skin that pleasant smooth look.

Wrinkles around the eyes, known as crows feet, and the brow also become visible due to the contraction of minute muscles just beneath the skin surrounding the area.

Age isn't the only thing that causes crows feet and furrowed brows, squinting can contribute to the wrinkles as well, in fact they're a significant cause.

The skins natural oil is called Sebum, and some people will have more and others will have less. The elastin quality will also vary from person to person so wrinkles can appear at an early age on the unfortunate or be delayed well into middle age.

Its all down to genes and lifestyle. My tips to slow down the onset of wrinkles. The first sign of wrinkling is around the eyes. You may look and feel great when you get a sun tan but nothing hastens the appearance of wrinkles than exposure to strong sunlight.

You may look wonderfully glamorous with that all over tan but, in time, you will more than likely look prematurely old as your skin withers and creases start to appear around your eyes and on your forehead.

Remember that when you first see somebody you both will look into each others eyes so it is important to keep them looking fresh and youthful for as long as possible.

So do not be tempted by the sun. Always use a high factor good quality sunblock, at least 20 SPF (Sun Protection Factor) or above (I always use 30 SPF even in late afternoon sun), and re-apply every 2-3 hours.

Sunglasses with high quality UV (Ultra Violet) reflecting lenses are an absolute essential and should be worn outside during daylight hours even when grey and murky. Guess what - UV rays can still get through on a dull day.

My personal preference is for Polaroid lenses with a coating on the rear to cut down on reflected glare although other types of UV filtering lenses are just as able to do a good job. Fortunately there is a huge choice of glamorous good quality designer shades to choose from.

Keep in mind that there's no sunblock or sunglass lens that will block out all harmful UV rays, so be particularly aware of the harm sunlight can do if your in an area where snow or water reflection is at its highest.

Lots of models smoke as this is a very stressful occupation. Models often have to attend several castings a day and each time put up with critical comments on their looks and their suitability for the job.

Living up to expectations when posing in front of the camera or walking the catwalk after hectic costume changes puts a strain on the nerves and a timely cigarette helps to relieve the tension.

However we are all aware that smoking hastens the onset of wrinkles and aging and can shorten our careers. One of the principal effects is that smoking deprives the skin of precious moisture and so hastens the drying out process.

Avoid smoky and badly ventilated atmospheres that can also have the same effect.

Don't spend too much time in front of a computer screen as this can cause eye strain and squinting.

Get an anti-glare filter and remember to keep looking away at least every 15 minutes and focus on another object.

Do not be tempted to go to a tanning booth. Although eye protection is provided, the exposure to artificial UV rays can hasten the onset of wrinkling as much as natural sunlight and there is an argument that the damage can be worse.

Drink plenty of water. I always carry a bottle of water wherever I go and I know most models do the same. Before going out in the evening I drink a pint of cool water so if I drink some wine it cuts down on that dehydrating effect that alcohol can have ' and helps to keep you sober.

Use a light moisturizer on your face every morning and every night without fail. Pay particular care around the eyes and to avoid stretching the skin use a gentle circular motion with your finger tips.

One tip my Mother taught me. Avoid resting your head on your hands as the upward pressure creases the skin particularly around the outside corner of the eye.

Professional modeling is just the same as any other career, to be successful you have to work at it. Eventually a models' looks will go, some will have only a short career others may go on for a lot longer before the inevitable happens.

Nine times out of ten the first sign is wrinkling around the eyes and the camera always notices it. The appearance of crows feet signals the onset of aging for all women so it is of the utmost importance to keep the eyes looking young and vital if you value your looks and want to create that great first impression when you meet someone new.

Eye Contact Is First Contact

Copyright 2006 Jaks Lloyd

Jaks Lloyd, former photographic fashion model, is the author of the above article which appears in her definitive website http://www.eyebeautytips.com The Ultimate Cutting Edge in Eye Beauty."

**********************HERE WE GO*************************

Now let me give you my thoughts and game plan for stopping aging of the eyes in its tracks...well at least as much as I can.

http://naturalbeautyguru.blogspot.com/2010/05/eye-creams-and-balms.html says "At the age of 12 we stop producing moisture under our eyes therefore eye cream is essential in preventing dark circles and crows feet."

AGE 12...OMG I'm 33. So thats many, many years of a drought...for sure. Anyway, theres no time like now to take care of the delicate skin of your peepers.



1. The skin around our eyes is more delicate than the rest of the skin on our faces. Rather than use the same cream, gel, or lotion used to clean your face, opt for a gentler cleaner made specifically for the eyes.

Skinlogics Lash and Lid Bath, our gentle make-up remover, cleanses and refreshes delicate eye area while removing the build-up of silicone, normally found in most eye shadows and eye shadow bases.

2. Use eye creams to replenish moisture around the eyes, since they have lost the ability to produce moisture by themselves.

BC Spa Facial Restructuring Eye Creme: This silky, hydrating formula utilizes an anti-aging complex of algae extract and peptides to target loss of firmness and fine lines and wrinkles around the eye area. An Advanced Antioxidant Complex consisting of encapsulated Resveratrol and vitamins protects skin from damaging free radicals.

Key benefits:
• Hyaluronic Filling Spheres penetrate the epidermis where they absorb moisture and instantly plump up, visibly reducing the appearance of lines and wrinkles.
• Skin firming complex consisting of algae extract and peptides to provide immediate and long-term improvement in the appearance of slackened skin.
• Advanced Antioxidant Complex consisting of vitamins and encapsulated Resveratrol protects skin from environmental aggressors and free radical damage.

3. Find ways to reduce appearance of puffiness and dark circles.

BC Spa Solutions Under Eye Dark Circle & Puffiness Solution contains a 20% complex of super-concentrated active botanicals and caffeine to help reduce the appearance of puffiness and dark circles. This formula is a lightweight serum packaged in a unique roller ball applicator for quick, easy use.

Key Benefits:
• Stimulates the epidermis to help strengthen capillary walls and to produce collagen and elastin to effectively reduce the appearance of dark circles.
• Provides the optimal environment for the skin to flush out fluid that has built up under the eyes, reducing the appearance of puffiness and "bags".

And remember, never pull, push, or rub your eyes (ok I know we'll rub them but try not to.) When putting creams or makeup on your eyes, use your ring finger, which is the most gentle finger on our hands. Dab Dab Dab from the inner corner to the outside of your eyes.

I try to never go out without my polarized sunglasses. The bigger the frames the better they cover your eyes. Do it diva-style (your future self thanks you). Now I worked for an optometrist for 2 years. I learned that my company of choice for stellar polarized sunglasses was Maui Jim (http://www.mauijim.com/). And though I can't afford them anymore, I still have my trusty two favorite pairs that I bought many years ago and are still going strong. (Feel free to send me a gift card!)

These days we work too hard, play too hard, and live too hard. The truth is showing up where we least want it, on our skin. Our goal should be to stop the damage as much as and as soon as we can; in addition, we should work to undo whatever previous damage we can.

It's never too late to start giving our skin what it needs; but it's definitely better now than never.

You can find more information, products, and sales regarding BeautiControl on my website at www.beautipage.com/mindyblanchard . (Check out the WHO Sale where you can receive 10% off of a select group of products for online purchases only)

Interested in learning more, host a spa escape for yourself and your friends and your family. It's lots of fun and you can win some really cool prizes and receive discounts on products. Sign up for your spa today!

I tend to be a bit scatterbrained. I have too much going on and not sure where I'm going with it. I often cry out for help in figuring out how to manage my time better to include the balance that I so dearly wish for in my life.

This has led to putting my creativity on the backburner for a bit. Nothing drastic. I still work on my art when I feel like it; I just do not let it totally consume my free time.

I work too many hours a week. The rest of the time I want to fill with other things that I feel I've been neglecting:

I want to write but not necessarily get my head filled with the characters, storylines, backstories, etc of my regular paranormal romance stories. I just want to feel the keys flying under my fingers as I pour my words out onto the blank screen.

I want to exercise at least five times a week. I want to make healthier choices food wise and eat at home more. I want to learn how to COOK!

I want to focus on the business aspect of my: art, writing, beauticontrol, etc., and get better at doing the weekly business things that these ventures require me to do so that I'm not stuck killing myself around tax time trying to find receipts and papers and information when I have other things to do with my time. (Organization is key or so they say).

I want to focus on my spirituality and get to know God.

This is just a few. I will not bore you with the minutia.

Anyone who knows me, knows I usually have two books in my hand and at least one notebook to write it, at any given moment. Well, I usually can never find one of three pens or pencils in the bottom of my purse, but you know how that goes...sometimes I never have two things that work!

Lately I've been reading up a storm. Reading for the soul rather than reading the regular smut I love so much. (Though I started a smut book today - and I'm loving it). It all started because of the book I'm reading with my church's singles group, Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. I cannot express how this one book has changed my attitude since the first chapter.

I'm also reading passages from the Bible associated with the Bible study and just choosing different verses. Outside of catechism assignments, I'm not sure I ever looked inside of the Bible before. It's kinda daunting at first but I just take it one page at a time.

I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Really good insight into the soul and into asking questions about what you are doing with your life and how you can make the changes necessary.

All of this book reading is taking a lot of time to get through (even for someone like me, who can read a 500 page novel in four hours). So I've set a schedule to map out my work schedule and days to do different chores and work on different aspects of my life (Workout, Bible Study, Drawing Exercises, Business, Writing).

I am using my blog to slowly get back into writing. I'm going through all of the drawing and art books I have purchased and I'm actually spending an hour every few days working on them (so much better than collecting dust). I have two hours a week to get the business in gear. I even schedule housework (don't laugh I hate doing it and I could really care less if it isn't done today). Yes I'm lazy, and doesn't that just explain it all.

My life worked better when I had a schedule, working two jobs, going to night school at UL. I had only a small window of opportunity to get things done, and I couldn't play around. Now I have so much time on my hands, I can't find the desire or time to do anything. It's weird how that works, huh?

I'm taking it all in, one bit at a time. The projects will get done at my own slow pace, which is better than not at all. It's getting better and less daunting, and I'm loving the changes I've made in my life.

I'm not turning into a holy-rolly. I'm just turning into a better version of me. It's quite a ride, and it sure beats the alternative.

What is my purpose?

I'm currently at a loss - sitting around, being ineffectively lazy and confused, unsure of what my next move should be.

I've missed blogging and writing so much lately. There's always time; I just keep choosing to focus on something else. There is so much I want to do with this life; I end up having way too many balls in the air.

Next weekend, I will be teaching my second art class:

Artist Trading Card (ATC) Class by
MINDY BLANCHARD
Date: Sat., June 18, 2011 @ 10:30am
Where: Hobby Lobby Classroom
Cost: $10 on day of class
(Includes goody bag with supplies to complete 2 ATCs)
Perfect for ages 6 - adulthood
*CLASS IS LIMITED TO 20 STUDENTS ONLY!
SIGN UP TODAY!!*

I also plan to teach some basic crochet classes at Hobby Lobby - get this - for FREE! It will be a "Crochet for a Cause" kind of thing. One hour every so often to get together and learn a new stitch and tips and receive help. The only cost for admission will be some form of donation to be determined later (This would have been a great idea to help my church gather socks, underwear, and shoes for kids aged 6-12 for a mission in Guatemala - but I'm too late for that).

I am working on 4 different collaborations right now. Those always take time but are so fun. I will have a class on collabs at a later date. There will be a collaborative exercise in class that will push us outside of our comfort zones and will be tons of fun.

Art journaling is the next class on my list after the ATC this weekend. I cannot wait to get started on the class details.

I need to step my game up a notch for BeautiControl. My purpose of selling BeautiControl is to give me extra income so that I can create art and write freely, to help support my regular income. It has become an expense itself and I have not been working it to its fullest like I had planned.

I miss writing. But I've been spending so much time learning lately. I've been reading the greatest Book ever written - the Bible - and getting to know God and myself, learning and growing my faith. That is a journey within itself, which I do not want bogged down with worries over everything else.

Some people find themselves uncomfortable around me lately. I'm still me, just stronger and a little more hopeful. We can all use more hope these days. I'm not trying to change you, but its always been in my nature to share everything with everyone that I come into contact with. It's the same as with my writing, my art, my jewelry, my life. Why should my faith be any different? So don't be worried. Don't be alarmed. We're all good.

I'm enjoying my time, since I have removed a lot of the restrictions I had set upon myself recently. Its slow at work, but I know that with the holidays coming up we will be swamped and I will yearn for these slow summer days. I've been working more on my health, scheduling workout sessions and finding a workout partner.

I have not found my balance, in this so-called crazy life of mine, but I'm getting there. Every day I grow stronger in faith and heart and every day I work toward being the person that I know I am meant to be rather than the person I want to be.

It's not always a wild ride. Sometimes there's a lull in the storm. We need the calm to refresh us. We need time to heal us.

I'm looking forward to the days ahead. I'm looking forward to learning what I learn during this journey.

To Health Insure or Not To Health Insure

I'm taking my blog to a whole other level today.

Yes, you read that right, Mindy is serious! Seriously tired of money and health issues.

Money and health insurance are issues we all deal with, and as they are in the forefront of my ever-tired mind, courtesy of the new sexy black walking boot I'm forced to wear, which is paid for solely by my wonderful self, I feel the need to spread the knowledge your way.

Hopefully my trials can shed some light into the lives of anyone struggling with these issues and hey if you know something I don't (which I'm sure just about everyone does as I avoid the realities of life) then send some knowledge my way, my friend.

I'm currently battling previous choices and an economic crisis after crisis that has resulted in my current situation, making half of what I used to make, with lower health insurance that covers absolutely nothing.

When you are cutting expenditures left and right, battling for every dollar spent on your monthly budget, how do you decide what to keep and what to cut?

My previous health insurance spoiled me. I know what happens when you have health issues which you ignore and eventually things are worse than they ever had the potential of being. So I go to the doctor whenever I notice something amiss.

A young, 30 year old single female, suffering from a health problem list a mile long, what's a girl to do?

I purchased COBRA for 2 months after leaving my last job at a whopping $500 a month. The research for insurance options out there was quite eye-opening. High monthly premiums, copays and deductibles filled my google pages. My options were averaging about $250 a month.

My research brought me to a choice which I thought was reasonable. I learned about short term medical plans. For about $80 a month I received short term medical insurance coverage for a 6 month period. This plan allows for 2 short term periods of coverage (12 months total) but anything happening before each "term" takes affect is considered pre-existing and is not covered.

There goes my bi-weekly allergy shots. So basically I'm paying some money each month and all doctor visits are applying toward my current deductible. I will almost reach the deductible amount and it will be time for my new "term" to take affect if I choose. So I will be starting my deductible from scratch. What a mess!

So the research of viable insurance plans continues. I'm reading on mini-med plans and gap plans, with barely any options in sight. My prescription medication has become optional and all bet fallen off of my monthly budget. My doctor about fell out of his chair when I explained to him that I stopped taking the medicine, cold turkey. So those were withdrawals I have been experiencing in the past few months, who knew. (That really explains so much!)

With a struggling job market, employers choosing to leave employees part time to avoid additional costs and preventing them from acquiring healthcare, it seems that dropping insurance and "taking my chances" may be the only option available in my future.

I have two more months before it hits the fan and I have to make a decision on what to do next. Hopefully, the tides turn in a direction that is more affordable so that my "health" doesn't become optional, too.

Are you taking care of your health lately? Researching other options available? You may wish to research whether the alternatives to regular healthcare (short term, mini-med, and gap) would benefit you in any way.

Just Another Day in Paradise

I have recently reacquainted myself with one of my most prized tools as a writer, my critique group. Scheduling conflicts have lead us astray for the latter half of last year, but we are reevaluating and changing days and it looks like we may have found a happy medium.

Our little group originally consisted of 6 writers in varying genres but with a common denominator, we love to write and are passionate about getting our stories down. Our stories range from novels, short stories, thriller, science fiction, crime, fantasy, articles, business writing, throw in some poetry and snapshots of life and we have it all.

Having a critique group is priceless. Everyone brings varying degrees of input and insights. A great group can help by asking you the questions you didn't think of in the first place, further fleshing out characters and scenes, and helping you find markets you didn't think of for your work.

I get the best of both worlds. I get a fantastic critique group complete with masterful brainstorming sessions. Meeting over drinks or dinner, we throw ideas around, play what-ifs, brainstorm plot and characters.

With such a crack team, I know our writing will be better than it ever could have been working alone. And the fabulous support system it brings isn't so bad either.

I left our meeting yesterday invigorated and ready to plot and work that short story that has been brewing in my head onto paper, and better equipped to say what I wanted to say on the first draft instead of playing my favorite game of chasing my writer's tail/tale (ha, works both ways).

I sprained my ankle last night. Slept horribly in pain without any meds or ice or anything needed to fix a sprain. I headed to the ER this morning to spend money that I don't have and to get info that I could have retrieved off of my wonderful computer. Life is grand indeed.

Pain induced combined with sleep deprived, I made poor decisions which may affect my already straining working life. But I can't change that now. What's done is done and will have to be dealt with as it happens. I can just pray for mercy and hope for the best.

If there is anything worse than being at home, bored, tired of reading, tired of sleeping, miserable, elevating/ice packing/compressing a swollen foot, I just don't know. Relief came by way of the wonderful FEDEx man who delivered a package of art supplies I ordered last week.

With an elevated foot and using my "new to me" wonderful drawing board that my mom picked up at a garage sale for $1, I worked on my current art work in progress, my self portrait. I just wanted to tell my artsy friends out there about a product that I love, love, love.

Tim Holtz distress ink crackle paint is a must have. (I'll add pics later once my invalid stage ends). I'm a fan of using crackle paint, and the old way that I did it included mixing a cheap crackle medium with the acrylic color of my choice and painting it onto the page. Other than having to wash the mixer, there really isn't any other steps than that and its super easy.

But the ingenious behind Tim Holtz products never fails to astound me. The paint is thick and gooey and the end result crackle affect alters in size based on the amount of paint applied on the area. It dries quickly and works favorable with a heat tool. Tim Holtz distress ink pads can be added (once fully dry) to enhance the antiquing affect and look of the cracks. Truly fabulous. I love love love it. Get it online at http://www.misterart.com/ or http://www.dickblick.com/.

Art heals in more ways that we ever know or understand. Looking back at my original art journals, the pain flows off of the pages. I sometimes wonder how I lived with so much anger and hurt. My more recent books are fresh, healthier, happier.

Yet sometimes I feel that opening myself up to art may have stinted my writing capabilities. My words are not as sharp and great as they used to be. Maybe I'll have to sacrifice my old writing style for my art. Hopefully, there isn't a limit to the amount of creativity available. Either way, this is something I will deal with as it comes.

I'm a writer, an artist, and a liver of the creative life. What will you create today?

**Note: I have not been paid for or by any company, etc for posting this blog. All products discussed were purchased by me with my own hard earned cash from the retail and home health businesses.

A Day of R & R

Bonjour. Je suis assez bien. Je suis a la maison.

I'm resting, de-stressing, getting a little R & R. Today was a good day. I worked in my studio for a bit. I have a National Scrapbook Day event coming up at the end of the month and I need to have some pages prepped so I can get right to scrapping on the big day.

I started the prep work on my 2009 Journal - its called Battle of Silence. Ha! Seemed fitting as I have had been in constant battle with silencing my outspoken ways. I also started the prep work for the writers' journal Lynn (conned me out of lol) in exchange for an article for the BWG newsletter and another "project" I'm working on.

It feels good to get back to my paint, to review my art journal books and remember what I love about my fav works from other artists. I've also been pulling images to use on a few spreads - it's nice that my mind gets to play with puzzles again, even for a little bit. Putting layouts or spreads together in my journals are like puzzles: a cat, a cloud and an apple - how do I make this work? Yeah don't ask! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If you've seen my journals, you know what I mean.

I received two free 5-shelf bookcases in pepto bismol pink for the studio. My mom put 2 layers of kilz yesterday (yes the pink still shows through in spots - horrible), and I painted one beige layer. Couldn't even get through the second coat. But it looks great. I can't wait to get them in the studio and start unpacking the 20 rubbermaid containers that are taking up every square foot in my kitchen.

I did some rearranging in the studio. What a mess! The more I move something, I find that at least 3 things that I need to save. I'm such a packrat or lazy, probably both.

I haven't been writing. I need to be. I have no excuses. Maybe tomorrow. I have only a few more days before I have to get back to schoolwork. The time is flying but I just can't seem to force it. The story is there, but I just can't do it.

I watched two movies last night: Australia (Wow Hugh Jackman is HOTTT! My tv is still smoking!) and The Secret Life of Bees. Both great movies. Both had me laughing and in tears. Good stuff!! Just what the doctor ordered.

Looking Forward to New Days

Bonjour, mon amis!

Je suis assez bien. Je parle un peu francais. Je pense que le francais est difficile. (I'm fairly well. I speak a little French. I think that French is difficult.)

Due to the Mardi Gras festivities, I had a week off of school. That means at 5pm, I headed home or wherever I wanted to go, whatever I wanted to do, for 5 whole days. It was lovely and made me regret my decision not to stay out of school for one semester. But I made my decision and paid the big bucks, so school is where I am.

I did spend some time writing and that has improved my spirits tremendously. I figure if I can write just 15 minutes a day, then I can do this without feeling like I'm cutting off half of my heart to chase another part of my dream. But I know myself and my wicked ways, and I know that I'll find that 15 minutes aren't enough. Sometimes I'm stubborn and it's all or nothing. Hopefully, it is enough for now.

The great news is that I'm looking forward to the NOLA Stars Conference next weekend in Shreveport. One of my fav authors Jade Lee will be there. I cannot wait to meet her and learn about world-building!! My sister Stacey and I are heading out for a mini vacay away from home! It should be fun and I'm really looking forward to it. (Maybe I should have made some business cards - another thing on the to do list I totally forgot about. Jeez!!)

The massive pain in the back of my thigh has dimmed a bit. So I should be able to start exercising again. 30 minutes a day, doctor's orders. Ugh, the one good thing to come of this mess was that it was okay to be lazy. *Sigh*

Guess the vacation is over (until Friday).

So I'm getting on track right now. No one knows what lies ahead. A wise friend told me this week (or maybe last week) that we have to focus on today. And that's what I'll try to do. Mostly because I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with what lies ahead....Maybe I won't be as great a writer as I think I am. Maybe my family will be shattered by the verdict. Maybe my GPA will plummet and I'll fail my first class (ever). Maybe I won't be able to become frugal enough to survive the recession and state of the economy. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. The list is never ending.

So I'm studying my French and getting back to trying to be healthy. Tomorrow is March 1st and (as they say,) Tomorrow is a New Day!

Mindy

The Calming Focus

Bonjour, mon amies. (Hello, my friends.) Je suis assez bien. (I am fairly well.) Mon cours tue moi. (My class kills me).

I'm wondering where I have been for the past XX years. I've lived here all of my life, yet today I learned about Mardi Gras. Who knew that there was more to this "holiday" than beads and alcohol. Interessant! My next assignment is to interview someone who was punished for speaking French in school, in the old days. There are like 6 pages of requirements/specifics for the whole project. Then I have to ask for definitions to specific words and be able to explain the answer in complete and clear sentences. Then I have to write a 3 page formal paper on "what I have learned." Jeez, Louise! I want a vacay! Due date March 25!! TICK-TOCK.

I'm currently experiencing that period known as the "calm after the storm." I have a new car and a new attitude. Not that it's a good attitude or bad, but it's definitely different from the Mindy that most of us are used to.

I'm feeling okay financially, a little less so emotionally, and a bit less so physically, as there are kinks (I can't sit or stand in the same position for more than 12 minutes but its much better than it was). I almost asked someone out on a date - yeah you read that right, but while I'm not that brave yet, there is an almost, and that is a lot further than normal.

Yesterday I wrote a post that I felt was too personal to actually send out there for all the world (yeah okay so perhaps no one will ever read it) to see. I wonder how horrible it will be (when??!?!?) I have a readership and they stumble upon this mess that is my musings and figure I'm nuts and never buy another book (how's that for big dreams, huh?) But being me I figure what the heck. Since when do I hold back on the gooey parts. So here's the post that I failed to post yesterday, with a few edits and additions:

I realized today that I am bemoaning my current situation, having forgotten the reason that I am here on this journey.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to graduate from high school and go off to some great college. A college so very far away from LA. Arizona, New York, California. Anywhere would have been my choice.

Yet I never made it anywhere. I found nothing but roadblocks along the way. I chose love, which is supposed to be the one thing I always believed would open the world for me, would make anything possible; and all this time I've blamed that on my choices, afraid to admit that I may have the worst taste in everything. (Sometimes I think I need a keeper!)

Yet I realize that it's my own insecurities that always hold me back. I find excuses on the curve of every road to nowhere. My problem may be the obsession I've always had with the four letter word. Since I was 14 years old, I've devoured romance novels. I've imagined it, breathed it, experienced it, wanted it, loved it, hated it. Perhaps I've set myself up for the train wreck (ha) that is that aspect of my life. Or maybe it's because I need to be the victim in this story, not satisfied, always left wanting/searching. Or maybe I should just be calling some hotties, in the white jackets. Regardless of the gazillion excuses and reasons my imaginative mind can come up with, the true question is: WHAT I wonder am I really afraid of? hmmm.

I’m stuck in a job I hate. Hours are taken from me as I toil at a job for a company that doesn’t deserve me. How many years wasted? Too many. More years than I’ve been an "adult" perhaps. But what jobs have I ever liked? I wonder. Are there people out there that truly love their jobs. That wake up refreshed and raring to go, as opposed to stomach cramps and cold sweats at 9pm which escalates until 7am when the only fix is a fetal position and a dark cramped place. What job could I possibly have that I would love? I know the answer and the dream but my mind screams failure as I think it. Things to worry about when I "grow older" I guess.

So what is the purpose? Why work at jobs that are beneath you? Why take classes that you don't want. Why work toward a degree you don’t know if you even need? Why you ask?

Because I made a promise to myself a long time ago, way before love found me, way before the troubles and responsibilities of life found me, way before I figured out I have the tendency to trip and fall all over the place. I made a promise to be the first in my family to graduate from college. I’m almost 30 years old, and I haven’t accomplished the goal and dream I set out to.

But I’m getting there. Slowly, very slowly, but sure. Gotta work, gotta survive, gotta learn, gotta write. Those are the days of my life.

I enjoyed a meal and conversation with one of my fav gals today. She helped me see that I am on the road to where I want to be. That first goal is accomplishable and within my reach. Every day, even if I’m not writing, I gain something, a thought, an opinion, a contradiction, which helps my writing skills grow - which helps me grow as a person. We worked on some kinks in my story and got me some ideas for a fix. Maybe the problem is that I'm forcing my character to be a 2x-something character, when in actuality she is younger. Maybe Nalia's story is centered more toward Young Adult than my norm. We shall see I guess.

My fav gal, helped me realize that had I not gone back to college, I wouldn’t have Marilyn, Mnemosyne, Fin, Sugarcane, etc, and that is a tragedy. None of these stories would have found me had I not been pushed and had I not been pushing myself in class at those times. I’m on this journey for a reason, even if it's not the journey I imagine I want, need, etc.

....The point is that I see you, fair child with the large green eyes. I see you blink those beautiful eyes behind plastic frames. I see you nervously smooth your unruly hair behind cute ears. You pout and wrinkle your nose when you think really hard. You wiggle in your seat when the words are flowing inside of your brain and your nimble fingers just aren't fast enough to keep up. You gaze intently at those you notice around you, when you bother to look up from your imaginings, and you wonder - who are they? what are their stories? what can they teach me? how will they change me? And you are not afraid. You smile shyly and you head off, to explore and tell the stories that only you can tell.

I see you inside of me, and I will find a way back. I may have finally found my focus.

So reader of my oh so crazy life, have you found yours? Think back and reflect! It's good for the soul!

A New View

Bonjour! Je suis pas tres bien.

It's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened, and I've been a bit under the weather. It seems I drove my car into a post, not intentionally but I should have avoided it easily yet I seemed to fail to see it entirely. Too busy and not too observant. I guess I needed to slow down a bit, and I was avoiding all of the other "signs"; so it seemed an actual sign had to come into my path.

Well, I thought my car was fine but it has been totalled. So I'm car shopping, which is the last thing I wanted, needed, or expected to do. There are currently 3 vehicles in the running but I'm not sure what I am going with. I spent all day Saturday car shopping with my wonderful sis, and all I got was heat stroke - fun times. lol

I go back to work tomorrow, and my soul is crying out in agony. The things we do for money. I have to be able to afford that new car note. I have to "work to live" rather than "live to work."

I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" tonight and it was fantastic. I love good movies that make you feel good no matter what your situation is! It's funny how the movie makes you want to analyze all of your past relationships to pinpoint the signs that you should have noticed way back when that would have clued you in that the "relationship" was headed nowhere fast. lol. but that's for another novel.

I haven't been writing or thinking about writing or anything of that nature. I did manage to read 4 books this week - I guess that makes up for the reading that I had planned during the break but never got around to. I love words. I see them on page as written by my favorite paranormal romance authors and I wonder if I will ever be that good. I hope so. I hope that one day the greats get excited when they see a book with my name printed on the cover and can't wait to get home and read it front to back. Big dreams there! But some days what else do we have to hold onto?

A wise friend told me this week that it's about the journey rather than the destination. I keep trucking and pushing everything aside while I focus on the end goal. I realize now that I'm missing everything along the way. I'm missing the journey and running through life. Having landed face first into a kryptonite post, I definitely don't want this to be the middle of my story - because I wouldn't read it. So point taken; I see the error of my ways and will work on improving them.

I realize how lucky I am. I have the best friends and family that a girl could ask for. I only hope ya'll know how much I love and appreciate you, even when I probably don't say it enough. It's in print now for all the times I'll probably forget to say it - Love You!

*Thinking of You: Driving in the car, I hear the lyrics to a song you shared so long ago. I watch a movie, bringing memories of your home state, and I think of you as a child and what that must have been like, growing up so different from myself. Yet I'll never be able to ask now. Every license plate I pass, shows your last state. Every third word spoken reminds me of our unfinished story. You're like a distant memory hidden in one corner of my mind and life. I regret that I didn't speak up - clearer and sooner than you did. I wish things could have been different, and I wish you luck in your life, miles away from my so-called life.

So here's to every possibility I didn't reach out to and all the new ones that I will reach out to. No more focusing on the destination. A clear view lies on the here and the now.

Current Addictions: Supernatural and sweets

I've got a Dirty Santa in my Life

Life is pretty good right now!

Work is actually going well. Nothing like major headlines that your company is "looking to get rid of 12,000 jobs" and HELLO productivity suddenly goes through the roof. Started a new healthy lifestyle this week. Things seem to be going great so far.

I'm working in my art journals. Bought 5 new potential books to alter. Looking forward to the process. I'm still avoiding my writing like the plague, while I bite my nails in fear, waiting for my English grade to post.

I traveled to Lake Charles today for the Bayou Writers' Group monthly meeting and Christmas Party. Talk about fun times. Those cookies and my fav cheeseball (thanks Bev) (I'm in MY version of heaven). We played Dirty Santa and while my present was one of the last few to get chosen, it seemed very popular, right up there with the bottles of wine - great competition.

This was the project I worked on with the Sassy Scrappers on 11/22/08. The secret is out now. Great book - I think I need one for myself. I hope the new owner enjoys it as much as I enjoyed making it.

Just a recap of the meeting fun. We counted the library table decoration as a christmas present, somebody (dummy me) picked the table decoration as a gift (it was cute!!!), Jessy's gifts were stolen continuously - poor jess. Our gallant gentleman new member rescued my sunglasses for me, sigh! We knocked a table over - sounded like glass breaking - scared me to pieces. (opps! It wasn't me!) And two bottles of wine were present. Did I mention Bev's cheeseball. Yeah BWG knows how to throw a party lol!

Today, a friend discussed with me the opportunity to add something wonderful to my life and writing career. The problem: If I add one more thing to my pile, I may lose them all. What do you do when you cannot fit one more thing into your life without getting rid of something else? How do you decide what, if anything, to get rid of? How much will you regret it if you do not jump at this chance? (Sigh! making decisions sucks!)

Drink: Coke Zero

Currently: Working (Yuck)

Eating: Nothing (I'm becoming one of those people who eats carrots. Quoting from 1 of my fav movies "A Mirror Has Two Faces" - "Isn't that tragic?")

Music: You don't want to know!

Mood: contemplative

To A New Healthy Life

My Aunt, best friend, co-worker, life-saver, sounding board..my heart...just found out that she has cancer. So she's dealing with the decisions about what to do as her next step.

After she left, I cried. She's my heart. Over the past 2 years we have gotten so close working together for my second job. (We have lived next to each other for 20 something years). She's the one that stays late at work so that I can go to a writer's group meeting, critique meeting, night classes, attend a writing workshop, etc. She's selfless and I take way to much advantage of her.

I love her to pieces. Here's a pic of her at Christmas time:



Having this happen has opened my eyes, has made me realize that I can't keep putting off the things I don't want to deal with hoping I'll have a chance to fix them later. Because we never know if there is a later. And I want to live the life I want now rather than hoping and dreaming for it later.

So, Nona and I have made a promise to each other to take a step towards a more healthier "us." So we'll vent, rage, motivate, cheer, etc., to and for each other. Tomorrow will be my first day. (So I can still have whatever I want today. ha! Always find a way to beat the system!)

All jokes aside, its back to Weight Watchers and making better choices. (no more pecan pies at Picadilly - sigh). A few weeks ago I was talking to someone and they asked if I had kids or a husband. When I said 'no' to both, he asked what was wrong with me. Now what kind of a question is that?!?

Needless to say, part of my problem with being in a healthy relationship isn't my weight from the guy's perspective but more my weight from my perspective. And its my psychological issues, and losing weight will not make my "problems" go away since I still see myself as I see myself.

But at least I'll be able to walk in Crissy's wedding in May and not feel too much like a nightmare in the bridesmaids dress. And at least I'll be able to go on vacation with Stacey and Lauren and not need a nap in the middle of the day when we take Virginia, Pennsylvania, Washington DC by storm in April.

So these are my goals and I'm sticking to it, one day, one pound at a time. Going through my goals from the beginning of the year, here's my last attempt at this same goal:




I started a new art journal on...witches. And you use the words on the page to make some little saying or sentence to associate with the work on the page. This one says "cow, cow, hide the old witch" so I used the skinny cow symbol (lol I love that skinny cow) and the old witch being the old me.

So anyway, here's to better choices. Starting on 10/12/08.

Words Written Today: none - I lived! I went to watch my niece play in a volleyball tournament.

Drainage

At this point in the game, I am emotionally, physically, and chronically (ha) drained - (sorry it seemed to need another "-cally"). I'm reviewing the recent tasks that I have taken on in my life, and I realize that I took on a few too many. I missed my critique meeting today because I needed some serious naptime. I let down my friends because I simply could not go one more step. I let down my writing to snooze.

And I realize that for the past few days, I have been testy with the mood swings flying at the drop of a dime. (Yeah testy is a bit diluted of a word). How many people did I piss off today alone? Too many to count. Day two of the new month, and I'm not doing so hot. Sorry, peeps - will do better...tomorrow?!?

One of my friends, Allison, just found out she is preggers. And the last time she was preggers (the start of 2008 when I was on my Weight Watchers trip) she ate whatever she wanted and managed to lose 20 lbs more than just the baby weight when it was over. This was damaging to someone like myself who dieted for half of the year, eating celery-like foods (yuck) and barely moving a centimeter on the scale. (sigh) Note to self: Need to exercise more.

People say they love the fact that when I become comfortable with the people around me, I open up and say what I have to say. But I usually alienate those around me because I say what I have to say. Its a viscious cycle.

My soul is crying out to read a good book. To get lost in a story. To run away and find myself in a new adventure. I started reading a book three weeks ago and I stopped half-way through. Its a fantastic book - in the Aisling Gray series - I loved what I read but life has other plans for me. And if there is anything I hate its not finishing a book. I can read a book in 1 sitting - 3.5 hours max. What happens if I never find out the ending? Does she get the guy? Do they survive? Do they find the killers? (Sigh - I don't know). One of my fav authors came out with a book a few weeks / months back and I just have not had the time. It beckons.

My first history test is next week; I barely studied half of my notes, and I have no idea what's what. My take home English essay midterm is due Monday, and I got nothing. My characters in my story are crying out to me, "Mindy Come Back!" Haven't written in three days, while I struggle to figure out where to go now.

I think I need a vacay! I just woke up from my power nap. Off to work and some serious brainstorming for English.

Goal: Be a better person. No bitching! (ok realistically will change from "no" to "less").