Perturbed

Though it may not appear that way, I tend to be a perfectionist, mostly when it comes to my work, writing, etc. I take pride in a job well done. I don't look for the quickest answer; I look for the right one. I don't push jobs onto others, when I can do it myself. I believe in quality rather than quantity.

Others do not share my views/work ethic, and that's just fine. To each his/her own.

I've waited so long to start a blog because I wonder: What do I have to say? And who wants to read it anyway? People have been telling me for years to get one started. But I sometimes don't have time to write. So how can I take the time to blog.

And after thinking this over, and over, and over in that way that I over-analyze everything to death, I've decided that I guess all I have to do is talk about whatever crazy notions/experiences/theories/etc I want to, in the perspective of a young, single woman pursuing a degree, chasing her dreams, creating her art, while working two jobs, wondering if her soul mate is: dead, in prison, a shooting star.

Some wonder how I manage to keep it together.

And I really don't. I put off for tomorrow whatever I can and wish for the best. Luckily for me it usually works out.

So I'll just rant and rave until I have something more professional to write about I guess...


8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 80 hours a paycheck.

This is what I signed up for. Decent pay for someone without a degree, willing to work, in exchange for great benefits and "a chance for advancement."

What did I get?

Great benefits that decrease each year. Mandatory overtime required for over a month as a result of poor decisions made by the powers the be. Inflexibility of "the rules." No consideration toward the lives being disrupted by these insensitive decisions. No hero to 'fight the good fight' for the little people. Decreased health conditions. The tendency to overeat when emotionally drained/charged/depressed/etc. (well ok I always had this one but its been magnified). The gnawing ache of a black hole threatening to engulf me upon awakening each morning until I fly out of the doors towards my car at the end of the day. My once (slightly damaged) but beautifully formed soul blackens and dies a little more each day.

Yeah so I became a college drop years ago. Bills and responsibility sucked me into a "good" job. And like in the mob, I may never get out.

Yet fear holds me back. What if there is nothing else out there? Only a different shade of this same hell? What if no other company wants me?

What do I do?

Nothing.

I suck it up. And vow to do it again tomorrow.

And I just pray that one day (soon) I'll get brave.


HOW APPROPRIATE IS THIS?


Gemini Horoscope for September 26, 2008
You can walk away from something and even if you have to sacrifice money in the process you'll maintain your self respect. This will reduce your stress levels considerably.


HMMMMM....